Charlie Chan, No. 40 - Dangerous Money (1946)

In my temporary Chan outage, I have amazingly only skipped over one entry due to immediate unavailability – Number 39, 1946’s Shadows over Chinatown. A little research reveals what I’ve missed out on – torsos! That’s the lovely, Black Dahlia-inspired poetry Monogram would have offered me – armless, legless, headless torsos.

There is another surprise I missed out on, but that surprise is present in today’s Dangerous Money, so I’ll save it for now. I’ll just say this: with a robust 347 votes on the IMDb, Shadows over Chinatown enjoys a surprisingly high score – for a Monogram Chan, at least. It’s not great overall, oh no!


Now, Dangerous Money? Isn’t that a highly questionable financial program on CNBC? No, it’s Sidney Toler’s tenth film as Charlie Chan under Monogram, and his twenty-first overall. He’ll only do one more after this.

And, nearing the absolute end of my Charlie Chan odyssey, there is absolutely nothing new in Dangerous Money I have not seen before, even when limited to the Monogram era. Okay, it is the only Mono-Chan to take place on a cruise ship…which means it’s still the 10th or so Chan overall to use this setting. Considering the traditional Monogram drop in quality, this doesn’t augur well. In fact, again I think they’ve managed to churn out the most generic Chan possible, plot-wise. It’s a mystery, but without clues or logic or a reason one scene follows another, with way too many suspects and a tad of Monogram craziness thrown in at the end. For what it’s worth, the story concerns something like currency smuggling and the U.S. Treasury, for what difference it makes – none, though it does influence the title. And the latter third of the movie takes place in a cabana.

Okay, I’ll let out the movie’s big surprise: Victor Sen Yung is back! He made his Chan debut at the same time Sidney Toler, as “No. 2 Son” Jimmy Chan in Fox’s Charlie Chan in Honolulu. Yung’s performances were always superior to his follow-up Tommy, played by Benson Fong (of course, no one holds a candle to Keye Luke). But Benson was gone now, taking a break to start an L.A.-based restaurant chain, Ah Fong’s. And with cancer slowly eating away at Toler (though he does locomote himself in this entry), Monogram needed a far sprightlier actor to carry his sagging body and career. It is something of a relief to see Yung back.

On the other hand, Mantan Moreland is sitting this one out as well, meaning he is (temporarily) replaced again by Chan’s secondary stereotypical black chauffeur, Chattanooga Brown (Willie Best, of The Red Dragon).

Now, this is all that is interesting about Dangerous Money. Everything else on display has happened about 39 times throughout the franchise, and the cast is mostly mediocre at best. The one exception to that is starlet Gloria Warren as Rona Simmonds – in one of her only roles ever (a common fate for actors in Chan features). I’m not saying her performance is good, not particularly; however, Gloria Warren is damnably attractive, in a Julia Adams sorta way. You know, the actress who essentially popularized the bikini? Grasping at straws (and starlets), that’s what I’m doin’!

With nothing else to relate, and the plot not worth a church mouse’s fart, I’ll simply run through the physical events on screen, to see whatever that reveals. Anything remotely exciting will be italicized. I’ll be honest: I sorta stopped paying attention to the dialogue shortly into this beast.


A couple walks down a ship’s deck. Then a man walks down, in a way better described as creeping. Then Charlie Chan does likewise, with a particular, cancer-ridden gait. He stands next to a different man motionlessly for several minutes. Then they both avoid a tumbling winch that destroys a railing. Then it’s back to standing around.

Chan and the man go inside, where a magician alternates between standing motionlessly and throwing prop knives at his buxom assistant. Jimmy and Chattanooga walk outside on the deck. Inside, the entire cast either stands or sits, all still. Then a knife strikes the man’s back and he dies. Everybody now opts to stand still around the vicinity of the man for about five minutes, minor shuffling back and forth. Affording camera changes, one man is still seated.


Chan and another man walk out to the deck for a bit, then walk back in. Everybody stands in the same place for a while longer. Then everybody walks out except for Chan and the man. Fade out…Fade in, Chan and the man standing precisely where they were before, but now in a different room. They stay there for a while.


Jimmy and Chattanooga alternately walk and sit in their cabin, Chattanooga’s face covered in hideously fake polka dots – it is either a stupid idea of his own, or bad Monogram makeup. A man walks in, bends over to put his face near Chattanooga’s, Jimmy gives him a glass, and the man drops it. He walks out, and Jimmy sits beside Chattanooga, who has not moved.

Chan is in his cabin, standing beside a man and a woman. Several minutes of this occurs.

Chan walks into Jimmy’s cabin, where he and Chattanooga remain as they were. (As a side note as to content, this dippy duo has given themselves code names, “Chop Suey” for the Asian one, and “Pork Chop” for the black one. No, it’s not racist, why do you ask?)

Chattanooga somehow falls through the floorboards into the kitchen, where he stands up beside another black man for a while. They move around a lot more than all the other actors.

Every character is on the deck, it is daylight, and every character is sitting.

Chan sits in a chair in his cabin, nearby on their feet are Jimmy and Chattanooga. In a cutaway, Chattanooga’s legs shake most vigorously. They walk out, confusing edits happen, the lights turn out, a knife hurls into a Charlie Chan dummy, the lights come back on, and Chan walks out of a corner to dismantle his dummy as his assistants return.

Chan stands in a hallway with a man.


All the characters dance slowly. (Even Chan dances, with the same relative speed as a slow motion “Baywatch” beach run – and this isn’t under-cranked.) The dancing goes on for several minutes, to the point where I actually grow concerned this image will get burned into my TV screen.

Three humans stand together on the deck.

Chan stands in the same hallway with the same man.

Classic Monogram creeping scene. That is, all the characters alternately walk through every ship set available, edited to convince me they are all following each other. It is very confusing. (Then some noises happen off screen, and dialogue I listened to indicates a man jumped overboard. I would have liked to have seen that.)

A stock footage ship pulls into an island. Yes, this earns italicization.

Chan stands in the same hallway with the same man. I am now just copying and pasting.


Chattanooga walks into a new set, the crew’s cabin, in a walk I’d imagine the official script referred to as a “creep” – to distinguish it from other ‘40s walks such as the “lurk” and the “stalk” and the “goose step.” The other black man sleeps as Chattanooga examines the bunk below him. The man wakes up as Chattanooga hides under the sheets. No points for guessing any scene involving black people and bed sheets in the 1940s ends with a ghost joke.

The ship’s stock footage plays again.


All the humans are seated around tables in our new set, the cabana. (I’ll admit it – the sets from here on out are on their own interesting, even when I realize the “jungle” is no more expansive than my apartment.) A woman walks across the room, showing a couple to a table. At another table, Charlie Chan is with the man. Then a different woman goes to the bar, sits there for a while, stands up, walks out, then three men walk out, then Chan and the man walk out. Think this is boring to read? That’s what it was like watching this thing!


In the jungle, one woman stands beside one man. Then the woman leaves as Chan and his man arrive to see the man. Chan and the two men go inside a cabana which is not the big cabana we saw but a different cabana. The irregular man sits down, as Chan and the normal man remain standing. Nobody moves noticeably for a great many minutes. Then a knife kills the irregular man. The other two walk outside very casually.


A man and a woman and Charlie Chan stand still in a new location.

An extraordinarily skinny Polynesian extra dances for 3 seconds. A woman sits Chan at a table, here in the big cabana, where other people are also engaged in the activity of being motionless and seated calmly.

Jimmy and Chattanooga, whose mere presence now indicates something interesting, either creep or lurk through a dark third cabana. Immobile stuffed animals frighten Chattanooga because he is ethnic.

Cabana. A man sits next to Chan. Another man enters the building, sits at the bar, remains present, then a woman stands up beside him, walks around for a bit, sits down, and Chan stands up and walks outside. Trust me, the dialogue here isn’t worth noting.

Three separate humans do the Monogram creep through the jungle. A knife kills one of them. The other two humans reach the first former human’s position, a perfect place for standing.

Half of the cast walks inside the third cabana. A turtle walks more speedily than most of the actors with a flashlight perched on its shell. (That moment is never explained – I do not understand it.) All these people hide behind various props. Chattanooga sneezes. The other half of the cast enters, guns fire for 1 second, everyone resumes standing in carefully arranged positions. Then Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, for all I can tell, enter with a single pistol, and the whole cast of twelve surrenders. Something unclear happens, the Rosenbergs go outside, Chan shuffles listlessly after them, sits on the floor near a doorway, Ethel misses his motionless corpulent body repeatedly with a knife-shooting gun, then Chan walks up to her as slowly as a segway and they are defeated by Charlie Chan’s mere proximity. It turns out Ethel Rosenberg is a cross-dresser! Everybody walks away.

Distributed by Monogram Pictures!

Really, do I have to add anything more to that?! At least it’s more exciting than Twilight.


Related posts:
• No. 3 Behind That Curtain (1929)
• No. 4 Charlie Chan Carries On (1931)
• No. 5 The Black Camel (1931)
• No. 9 Charlie Chan in London (1934)
• No. 10 Charlie Chan in Paris (1935)
• No. 11 Charlie Chan in Egypt (1935)
• No. 12 Charlie Chan in Shanghai (1935)
• No. 13 Charlie Chan’s Secret (1936)
• No. 14 Charlie Chan at the Circus (1936)
• No. 15 Charlie Chan at the Race Track (1936)
• No. 16 Charlie Chan at the Opera (1936)
• No. 17 Charlie Chan at the Olympics (1937)
• No. 18 Charlie Chan on Broadway (1937)
• No. 19 Charlie Chan at Monte Carlo (1938)
• No. 20 Charlie Chan in Honolulu (1938)
• No. 21 Charlie Chan in Reno (1939)
• No. 22 Charlie Chan at Treasure Island (1939)
• No. 23 City in Darkness (1939)
• No. 24 Charlie Chan in Panama (1940)
• No. 25 Charlie Chan at the Wax Museum (1940)
• No. 26 Charlie Chan’s Murder Cruise (1940)
• No. 27 Murder Over New York (1940)
• No. 28 Dead Men tell (1941)
• No. 29 Charlie Chan in Rio (1941)
• No. 30 Castle in the Desert (1942)
• No. 31 Charlie Chan in the Secret Service (1944)
• No. 32 The Chinese Cat (1944)
• No. 33 Meeting at Midnight (1944)
• No. 34 The Shanghai Cobra (1945)
• No. 35 The Red Dragon (1945)
• No. 36 The Scarlet Clue (1945)
• No. 37 The Jade Mask (1945)
• No. 38 Dark Alibi (1946)
• No. 41 The Trap (1946)
• No. 42 The Chinese Ring (1947)

Charlie Chan, No. 38 - Dark Alibi (1938)

Okay, so here’s the story. Some almighty demigod, in its infinite magnanimity, saw from aloft how enraged, sorrowful and quivering I’d become in the prolonged exposure to Monogram’s quality-challenged Charlie Chan pictures. To alleviate my pain, this noble superhuman has dried up my regular resource for Chans, which otherwise guaranteed I’d have to suffer through every one of the 10 remaining Charlie Chan movies – variation or no. With the Internet of all places no longer providing (and don’t think I’m about to search its bowels for the rest of this filth), and Netflix wisely eschewing the majority of Chan (due to reasons of low quality, racism, lack of interest, unavailability, etc.), I had only one option left…

I bought some entries!

I know, I’m still trying to come to terms with what I’ve done. I think I’m a masochistic idiot, as I now own four of the worst Charlie Chan pictures (not a series known for its opulence). Oh well, there’s, you know, like, academic reasons to watch these damn things, right? You know, for the blog?...Sigh. So be it.


Despite all the demigod’s efforts, we’re back where we should be anyway (for now), the 38th Charlie Chan entry, Dark Alibi. Dropping the useless Phil Rosen as director, we now have (for one mere entry) Phil Karlson, who was actually able to extricate himself from the Chan series and have a long career that included the Matt Helm movies. I salute him, because usually this franchise is a devious black hole of talent.

We’re back in the Monogram bank vault set, in the midst of a very standard robbery, the robbers never identifiable. Then a security guard sneaks down – so he’s shot dead.


Let’s get the danged suspect roster out of the way. All are ensconced as lodgers at the Foss Hotel, of proprietor Mrs. Foss (Edna Holland). There is typist Miss Petri (Janet Shaw), socialite Miss Evans (Joyce Compton), braying, slang-happy salesman Danvers (Ray Walker, but none of the four Wikipedia cares about), and traditionally bland nonentity Johnson. Most important, by her plot function and credit listing, is June Harley (Teala Loring, of Double Indemnity – which more and more seems to resemble a sick rite of passage into Monogram).

Here’s her father too, Thomas Harley (Edward Earle), who is quickly arrested by police for the bank job/murder. It’s gonna stick too, seeing as he has a poor alibi (a “dark” alibi, as it were), and his fingerprints are helpfully all over the vault set. So he’s convicted and sentenced.


Well, that was a pretty short mystery! They didn’t even need to get Charlie Chan involved this time!

Oh wait, never mind. With an over-generous 9 day timeframe before Thomas’ execution, June requests Charlie Chan’s free assistance in clearing her father’s name. And poor Chan – er, poor Sidney Toler, really. Say what I will about that drunken Swedish maniac Warner Oland, but at least Fox could make him look graceful throughout his entries, failing health or no. Not for Toler. It was increasingly obvious he was in his final years, diagnosed with cancer, and could barely even walk. But Toler could not balk out of a Monogram contract over something as minor as mortality, oh no, even when it was his generosity which even saw Monogram producing more Chan movies! So, no more graceless jitterbugging for Sidney; he’s simply propped up in his spot for every shot, left to stand motionless. Considering how listlessly blocked most of these Mono-Chans are anyway, one barely notices.

Given Toler’s reduced physicality, the burden is borne more and more by his omnipresent assistants, Tommy Chan (Benson Fong) and Birmingham Brown (Mantan Moreland). I know I say this for every Monogram entry, but once again the proportions are mangled to favor leaden comic relief over Toler’s cancerous crime-solving. As if to compensate, Monogram’s scriptwriters embrace the series’ latent racism like a life raft in a storm.


Oh right, June has a lovebird too, as we now see. Yup, with Chan becoming unreliable, you gotta toss in as many formula elements as possible. This one is Hugh Kenzie (George Holmes, but none of the six Wikipedia cares about).

Questioning the usual suspects is yielding nothing, so Chan heads off to prison (for the first on-screen time ever) to interview Thomas. He suspects fingerprint forgery – naturally, Crime Lab™ is on the task to take up Chan’s slack on this one, at the plot’s convenience. But while Chan is accomplishing little, Tommy and Birmingham are here, with the prison as the latest setting to house their incompetencies.

First up, the demigod tosses me a bone, allowing Birmingham (Mantan) to recreate the best thing that’s happened so far in the Monogram series: his “interrupted sentence” routine with former standup partner Ben Carter. It’s no different than before, so the novelty is gone; still, it remains the one redeemable grace for Birmingham and the Mono-Chans both.

Mantan: “I saw old –”

Ben: “Is he still out there?”

Mantan: “I thought he was, but –”

Ben: “He got out?”

Birmingham is reasonably funny in this context. Sadly, he isn’t when repaired with Tommy. Together, this duo is tasked with neglecting brain cells, and growing terrified of the obvious, labored gag setups free-roaming prisoners are saddled with. Somehow, in their comic bungling, Tommy and Birmingham are successful at instigating a full-on prison riot. It could be amusing, or exciting, or something, but that’s beyond the studio’s Monograsp.


Back to plot: While Chan’s been eating up screen time with his tragic immobility, he’s had off-screen policemen piece together the mystery for him. See, a series of other bank robberies has previously occurred, all under the same M.O. In each case, a separate ex-con was arrested; Thomas himself happens to be an ex-con. And these men were all behind bars together in the film’s off-brand San Quentin, State Prison.


Back at the Foss Hotel, June screams…Well…that didn’t amount to much.

Following another “clue” (i.e. the producers’ next idea of where it would be “funny” to send Chan’s assistants), our series regulars head down to the Carey Theatrical Warehouse – the place Thomas claims he was locked during the robbery. Here they narrowly escape a murder attempt on Chan (that is, it’s the 35th minute), as a truck barely misses them. “Woman driver,” Tommy quips, proving there was a time when this lame gag was actually cutting edge.

As Chan is away not getting the story squared away, Tommy and Birmingham are let loose to randomly, purposelessly explore the warehouse. This is an old, tiresome joke. Every prop in the place has a face on it – therefore, ever prop in the place terrifies Birmingham (because he’s black, lives in the ‘40s, and is thus easily terrified). As if making up for the class of Ben Carter’s cameo, Monogram somehow has to make it up to the white racists in the audience with such awful material. Ain’t it just knee slapping?, how Birmingham is scared of A) a stuffed lynx, B) a wooden crocodile, C) a cigar store Indian (racist in and of itself), and D) a skeleton…Oh skeletons, is there any B-movie from this decade that is not graced by your bony charms?


Even Birmingham’s accent is getting worse, sounding more “Sambo” than ever. “Tommy,” for instance, is now rendered “Thohmmiiiieeeeieiiieehh!” Even when he’s not scared (which ain’t often).

Johnson is found there (he owns the place, exceedingly awkward exposition reveals), pretending to be deaf. Chan disproves this by dropping a coin on the floor, as Johnson dives for the cash. I imagine the script’s first draft gave Johnson a more Jewish name. WWII aside, I wouldn’t put it past these people.

Chan et al return to State Prison, to accomplish the same thing they failed to accomplish the first time – find a forger. Due to matters of screen time (it’s hell filling out 60 minutes you know), or many simply matters of good entertainment (ha!), Ben Carter is back, for a reprise of his routine. This is lazy, and the charm is again lost somewhat…Still, it’s the best thing about Dark Alibi.

Ben: “I heard –”

Mantan: “Not until Christmas.”

Ben: “I never thought he –”

Mantan: “No he didn’t.”

Then Ben leaves again, abandoning Birmingham to fashion something resembling comedy with Tommy. Do accomplish this, they play that same insane Mandarin hand game Jackie Chan made famous in Shanghai Noon.


Plot: Chan fingers the fingerprint forger’s forgeries. The culprit is prisoner Slade – the warden, functioning with Monogram levels of intellect, gets on the prison’s PA system to bring Slade in. Thus Slade somehow manages to get himself a rifle (inept guards), and engages a mass of Monogram’s thug extras in a reasonably violent shootout. (The namby-pamby Hays people paid B-movies less attention.) “Come and get me, coppers!” Slade actually yells – thank you, demigod, for that one – as the guards shoot him down with Tommy guns. Tommy, of course, never once touches his namesake weapon. These movies aren’t that clever.

So…our main witness is dead, for very stupid reasons. Good thing Crime Lab™ is here, having determined how Slade was forging the fingerprints anyway. And now it’s only a question of Chan finding out whom Slade’s contact was.


So it’s back to the warehouse! That same deadly truck (which meanwhile murdered Petrie, I nearly forgot) sits idle, the forgery equipment prominent inside. Convenient. Even more convenient, the killer suddenly appears to satisfy Monogram’s action quotient, having an unsuccessful shootout with an immobile, cancer-ridden Charlie Chan. Tommy and Birmingham, meanwhile, secure that truck, drive it crashing through the warehouse’s props just like in Disneyland’s “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride,” and – kill the killer. Who is Danvers. It’s crazy, this scene is! I do like it when these movies get desperate, illogical and nuts.

Thomas is exonerated, but Chan predictably announces that the case isn’t closed yet – There is always one final act of brain usin’, even while insane warehouse hit-and-runs have replaced parlor inquiries as our climaxes. So Chan accuses our final bad guy, without even presenting evidence or reasoning or anything…It’s Kenzie, June’s boyfriend! Well, fine, Monogram, you just want to “surprise” me with your culprits, and I guess sheer randomness is a pretty good way of doing that.

Then Ben Carter is there (again), allowing Charlie Chan himself to attempt the same old routine. His delivery lets one realize just how talented Mantan Moreland really was.

Well…it was just another Chan movie. Again due to reasons of extreme blog buffer, it’s actually been half a week since I saw a Charlie Chan – That pause is just what I needed to make this halfway watchable. Again, good job, demigod. I realize watching these things on a daily basis has been awful for my mental health, but…only three more to go! (Unless I somehow offend the gods, and the series’ tail end becomes available. I hope that doesn’t happen.)


Related posts:
• No. 3 Behind That Curtain (1929)
• No. 4 Charlie Chan Carries On (1931)
• No. 5 The Black Camel (1931)
• No. 9 Charlie Chan in London (1934)
• No. 10 Charlie Chan in Paris (1935)
• No. 11 Charlie Chan in Egypt (1935)
• No. 12 Charlie Chan in Shanghai (1935)
• No. 13 Charlie Chan’s Secret (1936)
• No. 14 Charlie Chan at the Circus (1936)
• No. 15 Charlie Chan at the Race Track (1936)
• No. 16 Charlie Chan at the Opera (1936)
• No. 17 Charlie Chan at the Olympics (1937)
• No. 18 Charlie Chan on Broadway (1937)
• No. 19 Charlie Chan at Monte Carlo (1938)
• No. 20 Charlie Chan in Honolulu (1938)
• No. 21 Charlie Chan in Reno (1939)
• No. 22 Charlie Chan at Treasure Island (1939)
• No. 23 City in Darkness (1939)
• No. 24 Charlie Chan in Panama (1940)
• No. 25 Charlie Chan at the Wax Museum (1940)
• No. 26 Charlie Chan’s Murder Cruise (1940)
• No. 27 Murder Over New York (1940)
• No. 28 Dead Men tell (1941)
• No. 29 Charlie Chan in Rio (1941)
• No. 30 Castle in the Desert (1942)
• No. 31 Charlie Chan in the Secret Service (1944)
• No. 32 The Chinese Cat (1944)
• No. 33 Meeting at Midnight (1944)
• No. 34 The Shanghai Cobra (1945)
• No. 35 The Red Dragon (1945)
• No. 36 The Scarlet Clue (1945)
• No. 37 The Jade Mask (1945)
• No. 40 Dangerous Money (1946)
• No. 41 The Trap (1946)
• No. 42 The Chinese Ring (1947)

Reflexión: "Gracias Senor" de Ernesto Cortazar

The Face Behind the Stories

As bloggers go, you tend to learn a lot of information about everything we like under the sun but very little personal information about who we are, the mysterious people glued to their laptops, scouring the web for great content to keep you inspired. The ever lovely Erika of Cafe Fashionista has posted a blogger challenge to get know each other better. So here I go with a little Q&A a la Erika's direction.

Where do you live?

Lately this has become an ever changing phenomenon, I could be my own Carmen Sandiego at times. I am native to Charlotte, NC and have spent many years living in different parts of the Carolina's and Virginia. I just moved back from a year of living in France! And now in one month (fingers crossed) I will finally be able to make The Big Apple my home!! That is right darlings, my dreaming since childhood is finally coming true and I am going to be able to take on the adventures of the Concrete Jungle in all its glory...and I cannot wait!

What would your perfect day consist of?

Waking up without an alarm and gobbling down a delish pancake breakfast in my pj's with a good cup of jo. Some cardio window shopping with my besties and competing for the best sale find of the day, followed by a late cafe lunch. Going for a nice long run with just me and my iPod. Rounding out the day perfectly strolling through a park wrapped around my sweetheart and having a nice meal complete with wine and lots of kisses. And maybe followed by some late night dancing and stargazing. *weather depending*

Who is your fashion muse?

I pull from mainly 2 lovely ladies: Sarah Jessica Parker and Blake Lively. SJP has always had this fantastic way of shattering fashion rules and paving the way for the perfect blend of girly chic and rockin glam. And Blake Lively, or rather Eric Daman (costume designer for Gossip Girl and therefore Serena Van der Woodson) has this fresh undone quality that perfects the I've just rolled out of bed and arrived here impossibly fabulous look. I tend to be more controlled personally, so I like pulling qualities from that character to incorporate in my wardrobe that may not normally be my first instinct.

What do you always order from Starbucks?

Unfortunately my absolute Go-To Starbucks drink is only around for a few months from September to November. Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte is heaven in a cup and it is about to come back for 2010 and I'm counting down the days!

7 Passions

Travel, Jesus, Photography, Fashion, Creating, Music, Loved Ones

What are your obsessions?

Etsy, blogging, reading, Gossip Girl/Sex and the City/FRIENDS marathons, Twilight, iTunes surfing, stilettos, French, interior decorating, sewing, fashion history, international exploration, camping & the mountains, walking along the beach, fun hairdos, coffee, dancing, tattoo artwork, thrift store hunting, dressing up, costumes...

What is your favorite quote?

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page" Saint Augustine

What is on your bedside table?

Current book, cell phone, iPod Touch, cute lamp, pen & notepad (I can never go to sleep because I'm thinking about my To Do's for the next day, so this is my solution), and a stacked plate and glass from last night's brownie and milk snack (yeah I'm totally guilty of late night snacking...its a problem, I'm aware)

What's always in your bag?

Wallet, cell phone, iPod Touch, pen, camera, lipstick (I feel like the only lady left who still prefers it to gloss, I just can't take my hair sticking to my lips), my amazing pronged hair dagger thing (I'm sure there is an official term for it), Flip & Tumble's Reusable bag, sunglasses, and keys.

{thanks weheartit for all the photos}

Your turn darlings, considered yourself tagged! I hope you enjoyed learning a little info about me, and I cannot wait to learn more about you as well, so get blogging!

What will we have in common mes cheries?

Why the NFL is so sucessful (and it has little to do with how good the sport is)

The NFL season has sort-of started, blah blah blah. Despite me not being too excited about the upcoming year of football, I am sure millions upon zillions of Americans are anticipating the opening kick-off, when the real actual season starts. With incredible competition and incredible games in MLB occurring on a weekly basis, and with the NBA reaching a new level of popularity with its influx of SuperTeams rising to the challenge (By 2011-2012, the SuperTeams will consist of: Lakers, Heat, Knicks, Celtics, Magic), its harder to really anticipate the stories that are going to unravel in the NFL.

With the NFL lockout being imminent as well, I find it hard to truly be motivated. But in this article I am going to reveal just why exactly the NFL is the powerhouse that it is today despite its stupid rules, lack of true rivalries, and less competition than the other professional sports like MLB, NBA, and even the NHL. Is it because football is the best sport out there? Hell and no. Do Americans play football more often than basketball or baseball? Nope. Nonetheless, the NFL is #1 and by a longshot, and here are the reasons why:



Reason #1: Shorter Season

The MLB and NBA run at around 8-9 months. That’s a long time in this ADD society to spend following your favorite team. The NFL however runs at a tight, extremely simple schedule: 6 months, 16 games, one-and-you-are-done playoff system. The bottom line is the NFL is much easier to follow, and much easier to build around your schedule of life. If the NBA can shorten their playoff schedule (their playoffs last around 3 months) I can guarantee that they would gain more viewers. If MLB can shorten their schedule to a smoother 132 games, there would be more weight on their games and would also benefit with more viewers. The NFL fans have it easy, they don’t need to put forth much effort to really check up on their team and the standings, which connects this to our second reason.

P.S. Are the NFL players honestly complaining about their “rough” 4-game preseason? If they get injured during the preseason, it’s simply because they were not tough enough to withstand the actual season mayhem.


Reason #2: Less Investment

To support your team, all you have to do is tune in once a week. That is all. In the NBA there are 2-3 games a week, and in MLB sometimes 4-5 games a week—not including potential doubleheaders. And they usually play on Sundays, which is an offday for most of America. How easy is that? Yea, there are some Monday, Thursday, and even Saturday games, but for the most part Sunday is where you’ll find most of your ballgames. Even the Super Bowl, the championship, falls on a Sunday.


Reason #3: Not as many statistics to follow

If you think this reason has nothing to do with NFL’s popularity, check out the world’s most popular sport in the past century. Soccer has the fewest stats amongst all professional sports by far. Soccer is a team game; it never has a team depend solely on one player to carry the team. Fewer stats, fewer things to keep track of when checking out your team—leading to the sport becoming much easier to follow overall. Soccer is a universally accepted game since it can translate so well into so many different languages—because, fewer numbers, less of a chance of any confusion in translation. You kick the ball in, you score, and you make sure to fake your injuries every once in a while.

In this ADD society, the fewer numbers, the better. Baseball has an insane amount of statistics; it is a pure numbers-by-numbers game. Since it’s more an individualistic sport, there are many more figures to keep note of when following a team and their players. Same with the NBA, which contains a more individualistic nature. With the NFL, some players have the easiest stats of all sports (kickers, the defense peeps).

Reason #4: Easier set of rules than most major sports

Once again, soccer falls into this category. Soccer’s universal appeal is based on its easy set of rules that has a few minor annoyances. Football is quite simple to learn, and doesn’t have a deep set of little rules like basketball, and especially (especially) baseball. With that, people can pick up the NFL much quicker than the NBA or MLB. So why isn’t soccer more popular in the US? Simple: ties. You think I am joking? Think of the uproar after the 2002 MLB All-Star game.


Reason #5: Some of the best sports broadcasting are associated with the NFL

Not sure if you guys saw the NBA Playoffs on ESPN, but that was embarrassingly sad. Now compare that to the World Cup, which was informative, energetic, and without random banter about stuff. I am very sure that the major uprising of the NBA in the 90s was because the NBA on NBC was such a brilliant piece of sports broadcasting—and the second it shifted to ABC the production values went downright downhill. I am sure that has led to weaker ratings, even though this previous NBA season was pretty exciting. To watch the NBA I depend on TNT as much as possible before having to make the painful switch to ABC when the Finals come on.

Now, look at the NFL on Fox: amazing, and it has been very good for the past several years. The NFL on NBC isn’t half-bad either, despite then attempting humor one too many times. Even the ESPN broadcasting of the NFL is not as irritating as ESPN’s broadcast of the NBA—as they have a much more dedicated staff. With good commentators and analysts covering the NFL games, they become more bearable to watch than Jeff Van Gundy’s interpretation of the NBA. Of all sports, football has the best broadcasting and the best crew supporting their games.


Reason #6: Shorter Playoffs

NBA and NHL Playoffs take forever. MLB playoffs take around a month and require at least 11 games of baseball to finish. The NFL playoffs? 4 games, no questions asked. The championship? Not a best of 5 or a best of 7, but a best of 1. The playoffs are quick, always sudden death, and like the season are much easier to follow than the playoffs of any other sport.

Post-Note: College Football doesn’t even have a playoff and look what success it has---despite the poorer schools never ever ever having a chance at the championship games.


Reason #7: Americans are still good at the sport

Yea, I said it. When the other countries start beating us---or when too many minorities start taking over the top slots, you won’t see NFL in such a high horse. See: NBA for a couple of years, the MLB, eternally the NHL, and eternally soccer.



Reason #8: The NFL female fanbase is much stronger (The cheerleaders are better-looking too)

If your dreamgirl has to love sports, your chances are much better if you are an NFL fan--this is a fact. That definitely helps the viewership of the NFL.



Although....




.......soccer female fans will forever be the best....hence forever making it the most popular sport in the entire planet...see the correlation?


Good night. Random typing over.



P.S. Yes, I predict that the Knicks will become a superteam. That is, when the Hornets start sucking and Melo' and Chris Paul start talking. Stop laughing.

Charlie Chan, No. 37 - The Jade Mask (1945)

Well, these Charlie Chan films aren’t getting any better, I can tell you that. They’re becoming more prolific, somehow, with The Jade Mask as the fourth Chan entry in 1945 alone – outdoing Fox’s former record of three Chans per year. This same dubious accomplishment shall be repeated twice again, in 1946 and 1948. (Somehow, 1947 manages a mere one entry – I don’t know how it was so lucky.)


Writing at length about this nonsense yet again will be a trying proposition. Before continuing, let’s just accept a few things about the Monogram Chans. The plots do not matter. The cinematography is unimaginative (the screen caps below represent the best, most interesting shots in the film). The directing flat. The actors uninspired and lethargic. There’s barely even enough variation from film to film to make an up-close examination of the minor elements fruitful. And the camera never moves.


For what it’s worth, here’s out plotline, summed up. Once a-fucking-gain, a scientist creating secret weapons for the U.S. government is murdered near his laboratory. In this case, he’s found a process to turn wood into metal, with which any nation on earth could rule the world! Oy! Eventually, Charlie Chan (Sidney Toler, far gone from the goodwill I granted him in Charlie Chan in Honolulu) will come along, working for his Monogram-only employers, the Secret Service, and solve the crime. In doing so, three or four other people will die violently, all by the same “exotic” murder method. Comedy will be lobbied about, by one of Chan’s sons and one of his chauffeurs (not necessarily the same ones), and it will strangely manage to be the best thing about the film; it will be only slightly intolerable.


There will be suspects, between 6 and 12, though normally 9, this number not determined by script needs, but by the casting director’s insistence. It is a fool’s errand, thirty-seven movies in (the big gag number) to actually list the characters. Still, the actors deserve recognition, for they spent even more of their lives trapped in the Ninth Circle of Hell that is The Jade Mask than I did. So we have Frank Reicher, Hardie Albright, Janet Warren, Cyril Delevanti, Al Bridge, Ralph Lewis, Dorothy Granger, Edith Evanson, and many more. As with all the Mono-Chans, they’re interchangeable B-picture stalwarts with no name value, even in their day…except for Frank Reicher, who was in King Kong. He’s the first one to die.


There will be sets, and like the suspects, they will be technically new, but for all intents and purposes the same sets we saw last time. With Monogram, that specifically means a chemistry lab of some sort, which in this one is passed off as a “furnace” – that’s the level of variation I’m dealing with. It’s like I’ve watched the same lame movie every day for over a week now. More broadly, our setting now is – Are you sitting down for this? – The Jade Mask takes place at a house. Oh…now…I cannot take it, Charlie Chan, please – stop – thrilling – me – so.

Now, a few specifics aside, all that could count for every Chan since Charlie Chan in the Secret Service (and a 99.9% guarantee the remaining ten Chans as well). That leaves me now with really nothing more to say, except to isolate specific strange or interesting things from each entry, and focus on them. This shouldn’t take too long.


Mantan Moreland is back, of course, as Birmingham Brown, given nothing to do. Most of the time, he’s literally just standing in the corner of the frame, bugging out his eyeballs at irregular intervals. He is now the high point of the series.

Tommy Chan, “Number Three Son,” meanwhile, is nowhere to be found. For the one and only time, we’re saddled with the next step down on the great Chan de-evolutionary chain of ineffective sons – “Number Four Son” Eddie Chan. Our performer here is Eddie Luke, actual younger brother of the far-far-far-superior “Number One Son” Keye Luke. I miss Keye. Eddie is mostly yet another dispirited copy of a copy, as these things go, but he has some specific characteristics – He’s a bookworm, and…Well, that’s it. And this is the most notable thing about The Jade Mask, which sets it apart from the rest. This series has gotten really rather useless.


Yeah, the franchise is stagnant. In movie terms, 37 flicks in is well beyond the standard quittin’ time. As TV is concerned, though, that’s barely two seasons! And yet we don’t see most TV shows growing so stale and tired so early on – And it is a constant assertion of mine that the serial films of the ‘40s were really a precursor to serialized television. I cannot say what it is about a movie series, that tires it out much sooner – and these Chans average 62 minutes long, which ain’t that much longer than our hour-long shows today (ads ignored, naturally). Of course if I had to watch thirty-seven episodes of something like “Leave It to Beaver” (that is, something archaic), I might start to see less inspiration than today’s best programming. Who knows? I am not watching “Leave it to Beaver!”


Okay, so what are the other remotely interesting elements of The Jade Mask? Well, there’s a mask. I assume it’s jade, but that’s from the title alone; yes, these movie titles are more informative than their feature-length content. Actually, there’s a ton of masks, one for each suspect present – this ought to at least be interesting enough to warrant a screen cap, but it isn’t. That’s how bungled some of these ideas are. There are also marionettes, and ventriloquists’ puppets, and other little creepy things, which are equally neglected – compare it to the contemporary Dead of Night, a very disturbing horror flick (from Ealing, of all studios). Monogram sucks!

During the killer’s reveal, we learn he’s been wearing one of those remarkably convincing “Mission: Impossible” rubber masks the entire time. Like in that show (and film series), it even changes the killer’s build, body type, etc. It’s…stupid.

Oh yeah, there’s also a remarkable continuity error where a motorcycle policeman is murdered for no damn good reason (outdoors), and the killer wears his uniform to perform another killing. Later, the policeman’s body is discovered (indoors), his uniform back on. The killer overcompensated at some point.

Also, the butler is killed, then made to walk around the house like a marionette (described, but not seen). For this to be possible, the house’d need a series of mechanisms equivalent to a Disneyland ride! And all this to set up a single unconvincing red herring!


And…that…is…all I had to say about The Jade Mask, and I haven’t the spiritual strength to attempt an actual (unnecessary) plot summary in greater depth. Would you believe it, I cannot even out-write my own screen caps? So scroll down a tad more, and bask in the unidentifiable visual fabric of the Charlie Chan series as a whole…





And here, at the very end, is the best thing I’ve seen in quite some time!


And if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy some war bonds…


Related posts:
• No. 3 Behind That Curtain (1929)
• No. 4 Charlie Chan Carries On (1931)
• No. 5 The Black Camel (1931)
• No. 9 Charlie Chan in London (1934)
• No. 10 Charlie Chan in Paris (1935)
• No. 11 Charlie Chan in Egypt (1935)
• No. 12 Charlie Chan in Shanghai (1935)
• No. 13 Charlie Chan’s Secret (1936)
• No. 14 Charlie Chan at the Circus (1936)
• No. 15 Charlie Chan at the Race Track (1936)
• No. 16 Charlie Chan at the Opera (1936)
• No. 17 Charlie Chan at the Olympics (1937)
• No. 18 Charlie Chan on Broadway (1937)
• No. 19 Charlie Chan at Monte Carlo (1938)
• No. 20 Charlie Chan in Honolulu (1938)
• No. 21 Charlie Chan in Reno (1939)
• No. 22 Charlie Chan at Treasure Island (1939)
• No. 23 City in Darkness (1939)
• No. 24 Charlie Chan in Panama (1940)
• No. 25 Charlie Chan at the Wax Museum (1940)
• No. 26 Charlie Chan’s Murder Cruise (1940)
• No. 27 Murder Over New York (1940)
• No. 28 Dead Men tell (1941)
• No. 29 Charlie Chan in Rio (1941)
• No. 30 Castle in the Desert (1942)
• No. 31 Charlie Chan in the Secret Service (1944)
• No. 32 The Chinese Cat (1944)
• No. 33 Meeting at Midnight (1944)
• No. 34 The Shanghai Cobra (1945)
• No. 35 The Red Dragon (1945)
• No. 36 The Scarlet Clue (1945)
• No. 38 Dark Alibi (1946)
• No. 40 Dangerous Money (1946)
• No. 41 The Trap (1946)
• No. 42 The Chinese Ring (1947)