My that last article was a waste of time. Ah well, let’s move on. Now, during a boring day at work, I was thinking: What if Aerosmith got very mad at Disney for some odd reason and decided to drop their contract and move on? I don’t know, it can be for any reason. Something about anything, whatever. But pretend like Aerosmith no longer exists in Hollywood Studios. Who would replace them? Who can possibly replace Aerosmith?
In the last decade or so there has been no true-blue American band that has the attention of the mainstream music scene. Perhaps the last time we had a true successful rock n’ roll band was Pearl Jam, and they are a bit on the sad end to take control of a fast roller coaster. So I have come up with a list of bands that I could see replacing Aerosmith, and also added their chances of even having a shot at replacing Steven Tyler. This is in no order whatsoever. Let’s have some fun:
1) Metallica
Chances: Used to be: 0%
Now: 20%
Perfect Song to Start Coaster: Master of Puppets
Perfect Song to Finish Coaster: Fight Fire With Fire
Before the Black Album, Metallica had no shot, since they were very underground, quite edgy, and quite furious. Yet, their sound turned down just a bit as their music was becoming more approachable thanks to the Nirvana revolution back in 1991. Now they have been seen on The View, and have even hit the Billboard charts. Nonetheless, this band still knows how to rock like the best of them and still own the greatest songs in metal history. What better way to finish a coaster than a Metallica finale?
2) Iron Maiden
Chance: 0%
Perfect Song to Start: Run to the Hills
Perfect Song to Finish: Run to the Hills
Iron Maiden has no shot, as their fiery and intense images would scar children for life. Can you imagine Rock n’ Roller Coaster turning into a firestorm coaster with flames spewing everywhere as Iron Maiden’s most epic song blasts in the background? It would be too epic for words, and would scare the daylights of everybody. I’d love it.
3) Bon Jovi
Chances: 20%
Perfect Song to Start: You Give Love a Bad Name
Perfect Song to Finish: Livin’ on a Prayer
Bon Jovi has a sort of underrated popularity that has maintained them under the radar all these years, but you must remember in the 80s they were loud, popular, and on top of the world. With a slew of #1 hits, some timeless music, and a clean image, Bon Jovi could definitely work. Yet, one can argue they aren’t…”rock” enough.
4) Van Halen
Chances: If they had gotten along: 50%
Now: 30%
Perfect Song to Start: Jump (Maybe Eruption?)
Perfect Song to Finish: Hot for Teacher
If Van Halen had actually gotten along, they would have owned the 1980s, no question about it. Unfortunately for them and all of us, there was too much turmoil and their catalog of great music was reduced to a mere couple of years. They still can’t get along, and their music is still listened to today.
5) Journey
Chances: 35%
Perfect Song to Start: Separate Ways
Perfect Song to Finish: Don’t Stop (Believing)
Another example of tension destroying strong potential. They had their share of great music but what could have been…what could have been. Journey however is certifiably the most popular band from the 80s in today’s music, as “Don’t Stop” is the most downloaded pre-90s song in history. Journey’s chances improve thanks to a positive image, appearances in both Trons, and its sheer epicness that eclipses the best of Aerosmith.
6) Motorhead
Chances: 0%
Perfect Song to Start: Ace of Spades
Perfect Song to Finish: Overkill
This band is far too unknown to have a chance, but their music defines raw, edgy, and fast-paced rock and roll. This band was meant to have a coaster named after them. Unfortunately, Disney isn’t the company to provide that dream.
7) AC/DC
Chances: 40%
Perfect Song to Start: Back in Black
Perfect Song to Finish: For Those About to Rock
AC/DC has the exact edginess Motorhead contains. The difference is AC/DC’s consistent fanbase, revival in popularity thanks to Iron Man, and its mammoth album Back in Black, which alone contains enough music to thrill thrillseekers.
8) Led Zeppelin
Chances: 1%
Perfect Song to Start: Immigrant Song
Perfect Song to Finish: Heartbreaker
Hands-down one of the greatest rock bands in history, utterly destroying anything in its path in terms of modern-day music. There is no band even close to the skill, variety, and epicness of Led Zeppelin. Unfortunately though, this band is very strict with its music, so chances are Disney could never get the band to donate some of their music to a coaster. That being said, rocking out to Heartbreaker while maneuvering through a corkscrew…that would be awesome.
9) Jimi Hendrix
Chances: 1%
Perfect Song to Start: Fire
Perfect Song to Finish: Purple Haze
This would be eternally the trippiest ride ever. Imagine the lava lamp colors blasting in the background as you drive through one of Jimi’s acid trips. I am pretty sure Disney would never be forgiven if they did such a thing. Then again, I am sure the amount of “repeat riders” would skyrocket too.
10) Green Day
Chances: 20%
Perfect Song to Start: Welcome to Paradise
Perfect Song to Finish: Jaded
Like Metallica, Green Day had minimal chance until they struck the mainstream chord far into their career. Changing the rock into classic punk may deter some riders, but the fit can work perfectly with 90s Green Day in the background. Add a little California flavor, and you can transfer the ride to the California Adventure. After all, nothing makes more sense then building rides and an entire park about California….in California. Bitterness gone, let’s move on.
11) Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Chances: 10%
Perfect Song to Start: Suck My Kiss
Perfect Song to Finish: Californication
Red Hot Chilli Peppers might be too edgy in terms of lyrics to gain a spot in Disney, but you can’t deny their great music, great fanbase, and rockability factor. Because hey, if sex-crazed Aerosmith could clean up a little and get a Disney ride, why can’t Red Hot?
12) Pantera
Chances: -9%
Perfect Song to Start: Cowboys From Hell
Perfect Song to Finish: Domination
There is no chance whatsoever that this band will ever even be close to Disney property. But a fella can dream, right? Domination is one of the greatest Amazing-enough-to-be-added-to-a-fast-coaster songs ever composed.
13) KISS
Chances: 40%
Perfect Song to Start: I Wanna Rock n Roll All Nite
Perfect Song to Finish: Detroit Rock City
KISS is no longer as shocking as they used to be, as now they’ve adapted into the American mainstream. Their music, mildly family-friendly sometimes, can definitely work with the coaster, especially rock classics like “Rock n’ Roll All Nite” and the underrated “Detroit Rock City.”
14) Rush
Chances: 15%
Perfect Song to Start: YYZ
Perfect Song to Finish: Tom Sawyer
While Rush doesn’t have the true popularity of most of the bands on the list, they have the credentials, the friendly lyrics, and the killer instrumental work to pull off a great feature with the coaster. I definitely wouldn’t mind some Tom Sawyer as the ride zipped past a loop.
15) Lady Gaga
Chances: 75%
Perfect Song to Start: Poker Face
Perfect Song to Finish: Bad Romance
You know I am just kidding, right?
So, any bands YOU think should replace Aerosmith? Or have I covered all bases? Please reply, let's argue!
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