Cannon Films – the personal fiefdom of fabulous Israeli maniacs Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus – thrived as a factory for schlocky, brain dead, uncreditable actioners throughout the 1980s. The Go-Go boys were, in their own particular idiom, a distinctly ‘80s version of the grand Roger Corman tradition, where insanity and frugality are greater cinematic driving forces than artistry. Much like Corman, they even used this crap-made pedestal to distribute high-fallutin’ foreign fare – the Academy Award-winning The Assault in Go-Go’s case, and assorted films of Kurosawa, Bergman, Truffaut and Fellini in Corman’s.
But unlike the immortal Roger Corman, Golan and Globus eventually succumbed to the dreaded temptation to compete with the major studios, to release like-budgeted smash hits to similar success. (This being a studio which considered American Ninja’s $11 million take a runaway triumph.) Thus Cannon started doing the nutty thing, portioning out nearly $20 million each for would-be blockbusters – Lifeforce, Masters of the Universe, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (to say nothing of a giddily failed attempt at a 1986 Spider-Man adaptation) – all of which promptly failed. Then, despite a buyout by Pathé, Cannon continued from 1989 (until their inevitable 1993 demise) attempting to force trademark Cannon-style mockbusters upon the world.
All this with fewer resources. And without the creative freedom to move beyond their own recent shadow. So when American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt got made – simply because otherwise a bunch of money and a South African director (Cedric Sundstrom) would’ve just lied there – Cannon had no choice but to do exactly as with American Ninja 2: The Confrontation. An odd choice, given that American Ninja 2 didn’t feel the same allegiance towards the first American Ninja. And just how similar are these films? Well…
In American Ninja 2, a Caribbean island is host to a villainous drug warlord whose scheme to genetically engineer super-ninjas is thwarted by a visiting American martial artist.
In American Ninja 3, a Caribbean island is host to a villainous drug warlord whose scheme to genetically engineer super-ninjas is thwarted by a visiting American martial artist.
One can explain away this photocopy-level similarity by a shared writer, Gary Conway (who also, coincidentally, portrayed the wicked Lion in American Ninja 2). Clearly, the man has some very specific fetishes.
For all this tiresome repetition, there is one notable changeup. Series star Michael Dudikoff had dropped out. While a sane film producer would take the retreat of Dudikoff as a vote of franchise-wide no confidence, that’s not the Cannon spirit. Instead they cast David Bradley, of…no prior experience (and mostly just further American Ninjas to follow, and a couple of Cyborg Cops). The man knows martial arts, I suppose (actually, more than Dudikoff, though Bradley remains an untalented cracker), and is equally charisma-free. Oh, and he looks like Steve Oedekerk in Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, which makes it damnably hard to take this karate movie seriously.
Obeying a curious myopia, American Ninja 3 doesn’t see the return of Dudikoff’s Joe Armstrong, recast. Rather, Bradley plays a new “American ninja” (considered such pretty much solely by the opening credits), one Sean Davidson. That necessitates a new logical explanation for a Caucasian with a mastery of ninjutsu. Well, look to 3 Ninjas, it’s the same thing there: An old Japanese dude just teaches a little child, way back in 1980. Toss in a murdered father preceding that – to set up a revenge motive later on, and then do nothing dramatic with it – and presto, instant American ninja! Add time, nine years to take us to “the present day,” and that ten-year-old grows into (estimated) thirty-five-year-old Bradley.
Alrighty. Must I take the effort to re-explain the whole mutant ninja scenario – just make ‘em teenaged, and turtles, and we’d be set! Well, the mutant ninjas’ maker is not the Lion, as before, but now the Cobra (Marjoe Gortner) – “the Cobra” because Cannon movies care not to hide how infinitely The Karate Kid is their inspiration. This Cobra runs a pharmaceutical drug business – and credit the phenomenal ignorance which drives American Ninja (the same brand of ignorance which misinterprets the definition of “ninja”) for thinking drugs is drugs. Vilifying drug smugglers is one thing, but the Cobra (hiss!) is considered eeeeevil for essentially making Advils. Oh, and his manufactured ninja warriors – made from viruses and pseudo-science – themselves boast another profound mistake: that “germ warfare” is not literal warfare, of the sort with soldiers. I genuinely believe Gary Conway doesn’t know this.
Okay, so the Cobra (who is equal parts “G.I. Joe” as well) needs to test out his manufactured supermen – or, when motivations randomly shift, he needs a new subject to, er, subject to his treatment. Either way, the Cobra needs the greatest warrior on God’s great green Earth, and to that end he arranges a martial arts competition/tournament/championship (another pile of words which are interchanged and misapplied) here on the fictional island nation of Port San Luco Triana – read it as Val Verde, basically. Basically, it’s the plot of Enter the Dragon, a great movie, but not one you wanna rip off in that particular way.
And dig the cartoonish sheiks and generalissimos who make up the Cobra’s investors. What’s odd is I doubt this movie means to be ludicrous, but it’s such a hearty combination of cheesy and sincere that it’s hard to determine what tone the filmmakers intended.
So a grown and actively wrinkling Sean Davidson arrives in this island nation, accompanied by the same damn tropical drum soundtrack which permeated American Ninja 2. Here he meets Curtis Jackson (Steve James), the sole returning performer. Had you asked me during American Ninja, 1985 edition, which element would feature in every entry, I wouldn’t’ve pegged the homoerotic non-ninja black guy. I surely wouldn’t’ve.
Teaming with Sean and Curtis Jackson is Dex (Evan K. Klisser), because a strangely persistent habit of the American Ninjas is to have a comic third wheel, one with a libido to make up for a thorough ignorance of the martial arts, an ignorance which doesn’t handicap him one bit when fighting ninjas. But I’m getting ahead of myself. For now, Sean competes in the Cobra’s vile karate tournament, complete with an announcer so asinine, it makes Best in Show’s Fred Willard seem like a Nobel laureate: “Sean is taunting Simpson [another combatant] by standing still!” Riveting!
Sean wins the tournament – that was quick! – and is instantly targeted by the Cobra. The Cobra, for now, wants to square Sean off against his Build-a-Ninja Workshop. It’s not too terribly an unreasonable request, frankly, so why doesn’t the Cobra simply ask Sean to do so? Ninja, please! The Cobra is a villain, and as such it’s his prerogative to do everything villainously. Therefore, he sends one single ninja out to kidnap Sean, never mind if this ninja can do so, it invalidates the Cobra’s theory that Sean is a super warrior. Luckily for him, I suppose, Sean makes ninja mincemeat. And when several dozen more ninjas show, he does likewise to them. It’s getting really hard to credit this series’ ninjas a threat.
The content of ninja fights – which, from now on, I shall mark with individual paragraphs – ceases to provide any novelty, or even Part One’s amusing variety of weaponry. Rather, this initial skirmish is notable simply for its changes of scenery: Fire escape – rooftop – docks – warehouse – underwater. Excepting that last moment (which plays like a retread of Top Secret!, which is a hard thing to take seriously), this is a greatest hits of 1980s action sequence locals. Take it easy, guys, don’t overstretch yourselves at the start.
To my great surprise, this battle informs the plot! How ‘bout that! Sean learns his master is the Cobra’s hostage, only…he isn’t. It was all a disguise, pulled off by loyalty-conflicted ninja henchman Chan Lee (Michele Chan) – this in the pre-“Street Fighter 2” days. Each entry posits at least one wholly unworldly skill for ninjas (yet never makes them a credible threat), and today’s is shapeshifting. Chan Lee can, with the slightest boost from “Mission: Impossible” masks, look like anyone at anytime, just as Joe Armstrong could turn himself invisible just by thinking about it real hard-like.
Speaking of Joe, Curtis Jackson, informed of the latest ninja outbreak, has the entirety of American Ninja 3’s say on Joe: “I left Joe back in the Army.” Heeeeeelpful! As Curtis Jackson also observes “Ninja. Not again.” I hear ya, brother. I truly do. And woe to you that you (and Dex) must accompany Sean on a misguided quest to rescue his master from the Cobra’s garage sale clutches. At least the Cobra is drawing Sean to him, a cleverer gambit to ensnare the unensnarable. Which means we surely won’t have to put up with more contextless ninja fights, except…
Ninja fight!
Meanwhile, back at the Cobra’s labs…eh, nothing of note happens. Nor does it in Sean’s plot, where the time-wasting portion of the movie comes into full play, heroes and villains each simply discussing where they stand, reiterating the same facts. In this downtime, I am afforded the opportunity to comment upon the Cobra’s laboratory, which is – and this is the nicest way of putting it – minimalist. It’s like the set dressing of “Our Town,” a vacant black void with only the barest beakers and chairs to indicate “a lab.” Honestly, “MADtv” could’ve done better! Meanwhile, there’s no indication that it’s supposed to look cheap.
While I’m on the set decoration, there’s also the Cobra’s ninja training arena…which is the same arena as seen in American Ninja 2. Only it’s not supposed to be the same place – this being, all evidence to the contrary, an entirely different Caribbean island (where’s the pirates?!). The set is redressed, which even in-film is ineffective, seeing as the initial tournament was itself held in this arena. Oh, and the rest of the Cobra’s lair? Eh, it’s the same sterile YMCA corridors from 2. This is beyond contempt.
Eventually, all excess running time exhausted, Sean et al (Dex and Curtis Jackson) resolve to simply go into the Cobra’s prominent drug labs, and force wackiness. Getting there takes effort. It’s decided that Sean and Dex will travel to the labs’ adjacency via parasails. Meanwhile, Curtis Jackson shall simply drive in a truck, then take ‘em the rest of the way. Begging the question why they couldn’t simply drive there as a group. Uh…I understand the producers set aside some parasails for a big deal set piece and all, but you need a little more integration into the plot than that. Continuing the sense that this is 3 Ninjas for legal adults (with children’s minds), 3 Ninjas Kick Back does the exact same thing.
Sean then sneaks past ninja patrols, while Dex and Curtis Jackson hang back to be the two most transparently useless movie characters this side of a slasher film. Until the plot demands their involvement in the climax, leaving us with cutaways like the necking couple in Manos. As for Sean…
Ninja fight!
This time Sean is captured – tasered – by the same quantity of ninjas he’s easily bested before. That is so he can become the Cobra’s prisoner, as the Cobra officially switches agendas and injects Sean with Virus Ninja.
Chan Lee too gets a motivation makeover, suddenly switching to Sean’s side because, and I quote, “I thought I was doing the right thing. I did not know that they were evil.” There ya go. Sean is a much more trusting human being than I am, so when Chan Lee asks him where his allies are, he out and tells her. Good thing she is a good guy now.
Then something happens which seemed very random at the time. A white woman asks the Cobra for a job. He accepts her proposal, then sends his right hand man to kill her anyway, presumably for shits and giggles. (Evil is dumb.) A token car chase transpires – for all of fifteen seconds. Oh, and it turns out the escaped white woman was just Chan Lee in disguise, antagonizing the Cobra to no discernable end. Cute.
Action sequence quota temporarily satisfied, Chan Lee seeks out Sean’s associates – still just diddling around. A “ninjette,” Curtis Jackson opines in regard to Chan Lee, demonstrating this series’ opinion of its titular martial art.
The time has come to rescue Sean – a damsel in the way Joe Armstrong never was. To the labs!...No, wait…To the docks! Because – thank you, exposition – Sean, enduring partial ninjafication, is being shipped off to an ersatz Khadafy. They’re repeating action locales now, and what happens at docks in an action film?
Ninja fight!
That over, the group sneaks onto the ship, where –
Ninja fight!
And they rescue Sean, but the group – all four capable martial artists (and Dex) – soon falls victim to a NON-ninja. An old Afrikaner with a gun. No offense against guns, but this guy is a threat only because he is wealthy, one of the Cobra’s chief minions, and therefore should be a greater hurdle than the assorted minions. That’s some naked Authority Equals Ass-Kicking right there.
And it turns out this frail elderly man – General Andreas (Yehuda Efroni – with a name like that, undoubtedly one of Globus’ Jewish buddies) – is the guy who killed Sean’s father. Way back in the opening scene? Oh, right, there was supposed to be a revenge story in here! So Sean slowly roundhouse kicks the gun out of Andreas’ hand (unimpressive), and murders him. As catharses go, I’ve seen TV ads depict the act of towel washing with greater verve. Sundstrom clearly has no control over tone, even when it’s clear this is supposed to be a serious scene of ass-kicking.
Okay, now to the labs – because Sean needs the anti-ninja vaccine. Curious, that a chemical possesses those properties. Chan Lee initially disguises herself as that same suspicious white woman, has a –
Ninja fight!
- and confronts the Cobra in his labs. Where she dies at the hands of another NON-ninja geezer with a gun. Well that was dumb. It behooves me to mention that her white woman persona (actress Adrienne Pierce) appears stilted and self conscious – like a white guy trying to dance. Complete with the vacant facial expression of a cow, which is either Pierce’s attempt to convey “I am a mask,” or that’s just her acting approach…Let’s say the latter.
Then the rest – Sean, Dex, Curtis Jackson – head on in, for a –
Ninja fight!
Actually, this being the climax, there’s a better way of phrasing that…
NINJA FIGHT!
The Cobra is quelled, drenched in a puddle of bright green germs (which somehow fail to turn him into a Troma-esque monster, which might’ve saved this film somewhat). Otherwise, a ninja gets a test tube beaker to the nut sack. Also, Sean overcomes the virus sans vaccine by simple meditation – justified as the fulfillment of obtuse ninja master wisdom he received way back at the start. It’s dumb in action, partly because it makes Sean resemble Lou Ferrigno’s Hulk.
I don’t think American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt requires very much extra consideration. It is cheap, bereft of inspiration, and wholly outdated as the first American Ninja in a post-Die Hard universe. As ever, Curtis Jackson mirrors my own feelings on the matter, preceding the director’s credit by expressing a deep set ennui with all things ninja. How quickly it came to this! Well buck up, Curtis Jackson, you’re nearer the end than the beginning…actually, Curtis Jackson, that’s it for you altogether. This is your last entry!
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