Over at Animal Kingdom, I had a healthy discussion with a person whom wants to be president down the road. Its most definitely a feasible dream, especially with a low-key senator currently running the country right now. Obama is one of the more down-to-Earth presidents we’ve ever had, joining the ranks of Clinton, Lincoln, Kennedy, and Roosevelt (The Bull one). So, a college program cast member most certainly can have the opportunity to rise into the elite core of politics in this nation. But it also got me thinking, what would happen if I rise and become president? What things would I enforce/allow/disallow? I came up with a totally random list and without any more interrupting, here it is (and the sinister explanations that follow).
This is totally out of order. Some may be offended. Deal with it.
#1: All major highways = 7 lanes
Traffic will be non-existent. This will be extremely costly and will take many years, but can you imagine how much easier it will be to drive a 7-lane highway from one state to the next? Vehicular Nirvana.
#2: Every state must have a MLB, NBA, and NFL team
I will explain the total good that can come from this in a more in-depth article, but this decision is one I would most strongly support. Sports can make money and can motivate entire states: just look at the New Orleans Saints. If we enforce this rule, not only will we expand our search for athletes in all 50 states, but this will also make money for everybody, no question about it. States that lack a sports team in general can clear out some land so they have the football stadium right next to the basketball court and the baseball stadium. This will improve fitness with more emphasis on physical sports, and will increase state pride. Imagine the Mississippi Stickers (inside joke, don’t worry) taking on the Alabama Riverboats? Imagine the millions tuning to see this game in that general region. Also imagine that all of these teams will have amazingly different schedules every year since there are so many different potential teams to take on---a sports schedule will never, ever become monotonous again.
The government in my term will approve a multi-billion dollar deal that will build more stadiums around the nation and will also build a slew of new jobs; from the construction teams to the marketing teams. And yes, Puerto Rico will be required to have their teams as well. How can you possibly go wrong with this idea?
#3: Legalize All drugs
This one is very simple. If cigarettes and alcohol are legal (and kill millions upon millions more than drugs every single year) why can’t drugs? Legalizing drugs will not only lower crime (especially in the Mexican border) but will improve the economy, improve art, and make this country much happier. Seriously.
#4: Motorcycles should never park in car parking spots. Ever.
Very self-explanatory.
#5: Need a license to become a parent
In my almost-seven years with Walt Disney World, I have seen things coming from parents that I wish I would never, ever, ever see. Under my term, you MUST gain a license before having a child. If your woman is pregnant and does not get the license one week after the baby is born, you are losing him/her. Sounds drastic, but getting the license will be totally free, all you need to do is pass the common sense exams and make pledges about becoming a good parents. With this rule, gay adoption will also be legal since I know for a fact that a variety of parent-wanna-bes will try to bear children without the required paperwork.
#6: All stores charging too much for organic/healthy food will be taxed
I should never, ever, ever, ever, ever have to pay more than 3 bucks on grapes, period. Publix and Whole Foods, I am looking in your direction. If you guys continue charging ridiculous prices on foods just because they are organic or just because they happen to be healthy, you guys wil be paying the government a bit more.
#7: All restaurants will carry ratings
This will eliminate any chance of me entering a usually-4-star restaurant and getting 1-star food. This will weed out all the weaker/weak Red Lobsters, Fridays, and Applebees of the world.
#8: All Bathroom Stalls Will Become Handicapped-Spaced
Why are they the only ones allowed to have room while taking a leak?
#9: All Students Must Have Ability to Enter College For At Least 2 Years
For the last ()$)*(())(@ time, Brazil is not a Spanish-speaking country. Oh, and a sidenote, universities should never be approved for a 4 billion dollar stadium if they still can’t provide decent online-class service for the students.
#10: Geography and Physical Fitness should be a Requirement From Kindergarten to Senior Year
For the last time, Alaska is a U.S. State, and not all that is Spanish is Mexican. And for the last time, ALL kids should know how to play all sports; from football to dodgeball.
#11: Political Parties Should be Eliminated or Totally Expanded
Obama is getting a lot of hate not because of his decisions, but because the Republicans have done something the Democrats have failed to do since 1999: banded together to defeat the enemy. This is ridiculous that Obama’s health care received ZERO votes from the Republican end. Can you honestly tell me that not a SINGLE red man was for giving health to the poorer? Under my term, we are whether going to destroy the foundation of political parties, or expand the parties to over 50 different categories---to eliminate this silly-nilly banding-together-to-go-against-anything-the-other-party-says-or-does.
We will have Light Republicans, Far Right Republicans, Dark Republicans, Fox News Republicans, Southern Republicans, Northern Republicans, Republicrats, Light Democrats, Far Left Democrats, MSNBC Democrats, New York Democrats, New Age Democrats, Green Party, Rainbow Party, Hispanicrats, and much, much more.
#12: We will not attack ANY country unless we are attacked by said country
The LAST time we got attacked by another country: 1941’s Pearl Harbor. Why on earth have we been to at least 5 wartime conflicts since? Korea? Kosovo? Iran? Iraq? Afghanistan? Vietnam? Antarctica? Kokomo? We will not dwell into the business of other countries unless we are attacked by them, or they suffer a natural disaster. Now, for those saying we should save counties under dictatorship or bad governments, that’s tougher because guess what: 65% (guesstimative guessing) of the countries out there most likely need some sort of help because of rigid government. We can’t save them all; we have to save OUR country first.
#13: Drinking Age is 18
We can fight a war at 18, but can’t drink? Bullcrap. We can drink at 18. Or, we fight at 21. You pick.
#14: E-Pass = Requirement
This will minimize traffic perfectly. Not saying we should tax all roads, but those with toll roads should not be accepting mere 50 cents and slow things down in such an advanced society. Every car should be equipped with e-Pass, including those rented out by tourists. This will minimize traffic, and will make traveling much easier.
#15: Legalize Drugs
Oops. Did this one. Now why would I repeat this…….
#16: Any major major decisions will be decided with a coin toss
The White House should home an official coin, in case the nation or (me) is undecided on something. The coin isn’t biased, its perfectly 50/50. Fate decides the rest.
#17: Gambling should be legal
Economy goes up, and Online Poker will be much more entertaining. Who cares if it’s addicting? There are many legal things that are addicting---cigarettes, porn, sex, chocolate, and Tetris.
#18: All Movie Theaters Should Be Equipped With a Wi-Fi Killing Device
That will destroy any chances of people making phone calls or text messages during a movie. Is there an emergency? You call the movie theater, and if it’s a real one, then every movie screen will be equipped with an announcement on the wall to the sides…only if it’s a real one.
#19: All Schools Shouldn't Enforce Reading, but carry Accelerated Reader Program
I should never be forced to read The Awakening, Tess, Shakespeare (anything by him..ugh) or any other inanely awful book, but instead be offered hundreds of books to read and have short little tests or essays about them to gain points. With enough points, you pass the reading portion of the grade level. Very simple, a lot more freedom, and you will be tuned off from reading because you had to spend 4 chapters reading about the scenery.
#20: Presidents should run up to 4 terms.
If the amendment had never been passed in the 1940s, then Clinton would have been president for another 4 years after the rockin’ 90s. Just saying.
Vote for DIAC 2016!!!!!!!
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