The “Turtles” never disappeared in the Twenty-First Century, though they’ve never been quite as ubiquitous as around 1990. So a second animated program ran from 2003 to 2009, hewing closer than the first to the comics’ dark tone, due to control from the Eastman/Laird-owned Mirage Studios. Of course the “Turtles” remain a kids’ property, with a wholly new fandom now. There’s always been enough interest to keep the franchise active, but never again huge.
Then all of a sudden in 2007, a new theatrical “Turtle” movie came into being, TMNT, an all-CGI animated tale from Imagi studios and writer/director Kevin Munroe. This was earlier in the same year as Michael Bay’s Transformers, a live action reinvigoration of a different ‘80s toy/cartoon line. But that made sense at the time, it having been roughly 20 years since the previous “Transformers” theatrical picture, The Transformers: The Movie. That’s enough time to maximize the nostalgia value for that property, for Bay’s effort to appeal to the broadest spectrum of grown “Transformers” fans and new youngsters. The timing was absolutely perfect.
Whereas with TMNT, my immediate 2007 response was, “What, already?!” It’d been a mere 14 years since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, the franchise killer, and only 17 since the high point, the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. As one of the “Turtle” faithful from the early ‘90s, I can attest my nostalgic fondness for the reptiles hadn’t yet fully formed, that the franchise was jumping the ‘80s nostalgia reboot trend a tad early. (Today, however…)
The resulting TMNT feels a little minor, especially compared to what the not-great Transformers accomplished. Not to mention, the whole CGI thing when Transformers was moving to live action…It all feels a little regressive.
It’s likely, however, that TMNT’s existence owes more to the vagaries of film right laws than anything resembling cultural demand. In 2004, Golden Harvest’s claim to theatrical “Turtles” movies expired, opening the property up to the Weinstein Company. Almost as if to stake a theatrical claim, for legal reasons, they resolved to make a feature – and CGI offers the perfect combination of cost effectiveness and freedom (plus it distances TMNT from III). Like the upcoming Spider-Man reboot really exists in response to Disney’s acquisition of Marvel, TMNT is very likely a movie that had to happen, to keep the film rights active.
Not too say Kevin Munroe doesn’t do all he can with TMNT. The man seems to be a genuine “Turtles” fan, even while this purse-of-a-pig’s-ear is verifiably an in-continuity sequel with III. (Artifacts from the movie franchise are clearly shown in the Turtles’ lair.) Like any good quasi-reboot, TMNT goes Darker and Edgier, meaning it makes sense that the film follows the comics’ tenor over the now long-defunct ‘90s cartoon show. That means once again we’re denied the joys of a big movie Technodrome, and Krang, and all attendant goodies and – Okay, maybe I’m the only one who wants all that stuff. Still, TMNT is “Less cowabunga” at a time when that’s likely essential – it must distance itself from the perceived “surfer dude” problems of old, as it’s too soon to capitalize on those silly elements.
So without the Shredder, and with a continued aversion to the show’s rogues gallery, who are the Turtles to face off against? Why, a totally new character, who is thus strangely the least original part of TMNT. That would be multibillionaire businessman Max Winters (Patrick Stewart’s authoritative voice), a man who…
Okay, his arguably-evil plan is not very clear, but here’s what can be parsed out from a Lord of the Rings-esque opening battle/Lawrence Fishburne narration: Three-thousand years ago, the evil warlord Yoatl (now Winters) led his evil army of evil generals evil rampant blah blah blah…Using a “once every 3,000 years” alignment of the “Stars of Kikan” constellation, Yoatl wins his evil war of evilness, but not before – turning himself immortal, turning his generals to stone, and unleashing 13 monsters upon the world. …Um…okay…
This dump of arbitrary, random, new-yet-clichéd plotting assaults the audience mere seconds after an even more desultory narration tries to justify the presence of, well, teenage, mutant, ninja turtles in New York City. (It’s probably only one year now since III in film, hence they’re still technically teenagers thank God – though I calculate 19-years-old.)
Anyway, back to Winters: Conveniently, the next Kikan alignment is coming up (how lucky for mankind this happens while the Turtles exist). Longing to break his accursed immortality, Winters…Okay, deep breath…revives his stone generals, who now live but are still made of stone (like something out of one of the Frasier Mummy movies). He has also hired the still-existent Foot Clan, headed by comic character Karai (Zhang Ziyi’s breathy purr), to capture those 13 monsters – who are all randomly rampaging unknown throughout New York City, sans property damage or death. If Winters can amass those monsters, or collect ‘em all, within his central Manhattan Ghostbusters-esque metaphysical-reactor-by-way-of-architecture, all on the precise every-3,000-years moment, and only with his stone generals there, then…Winters will no longer be immortal. Or something. And somehow the bad guy becoming suddenly killable is “bad,” because maybe (it ain’t too clear) by doing so he shall release monsters upon this world. Or more monsters, at any rate. Or…okay, whatever, bad guy exists, must be stopped, let’s leave it at that.
This is a danged lot of info for something so generic, and the least successful thing about TMNT. In fact, all the human elements, such as Winters, are the most awkward. This extends to character design, which renders people as angular abstractions, but as least never comes anywhere near the Uncanny Valley.
The Turtles’ designs, of course, are far more appealing, which is as it should be. Their story, such as it is, is better too, for this is where Munroe’s desire to recreate his memory of the old “Turtles” serves him the strongest. Just too bad they can’t be proactive about the Winters nonsense until well into the finale.
The Turtles’ glory days are over, the Shredder shredded, and Leonardo (James Arnold Taylor) has been sent by Master Splinter (Mako, voice for “Samurai Jack” and “Avatar: The Last Airbender”) to Central America (nation never specified) to “train to be a better leader.” Just how Splinter thinks sending Leo alone into the wilderness will improve his ability to lead his turtle brothers, I cannot say. If anything, it makes relations more strained once Leo returns, especially with hothead Raph (Nolan North)…
Actually, TMNT reinvigorates the lost notion of Raphael as the most interesting Turtle, giving him angst and vigilantism to spare. Hence Raph spends his nights in secret as the Nightwatcher, a Batman-style superhero dedicated to fighting crime even when the Turtles won’t (they’ve gone into hiding at Splinter’s request, for some strange commandment that they no longer fight). This whole Nightwatcher subplot is another thread to follow, along with Leo’s return, and Winters’ assorted unclear villainies. There’s a lot to pay attention to.
Leaving Mike and Donny (Mikey Kelly and Mitchell Whitfield) largely with nothing to do. Like the first film, these Turtles are largely forgotten, as their comic relief and tech knowhow serves little purpose in such a relatively gritty tale. Mike is the biggest victim of Munroe’s “no cowabungas” dictate, with his dated surfer idioms now a self-conscious joke more than anything. (Late in the film, when Mike makes an old-style joke, Raph responds: “Mikey, remember our talk.”) And while Raph’s been off alone playing hero, Mike is a party performer, and Donny an IT tech support guy. Otherwise, they just sleep and eat pizza. Not very interesting.
For even more time is taken up with Raph’s human buddies, especially Casey Jones (Chris Evans – aka Captain America), a fellow partner in crime-fighting. Naturally, there’s also April O’Neil (the ostensibly “sexy” American tones of Sarah Michelle Gellar), though they’re kind of running out of movie to do anything with her. She doesn’t even report.
Okay, so TMNT is kind of overstuffed with plot, thanks to an over-complicated villain plot, and an independent Turtle schism told while having to reestablish all these characters. It’s overambitious, and never coalesces, which is a good example of why Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles benefited so much from a streamlined story. Otherwise, TMNT is easily the best Turtles movie since the first.
One major advantage is how it presents the action sequences. No longer beholden to the sickening pabulum of “no fighting in a kids’ movie” which dogged the Turtles sequels, this PG-rated movie can do pretty much anything it likes with its CGI characters. It’s not violent, per se, but we do get to see the use of katanas and sais and whatnot in a non-lethal context. (Secret of the Ooze didn’t even let its Turtles handle their trademark weapons!) So on those oddly rare moments where the Turtles battle the Foot Clan, or a monster (the monster stuff is mostly an unrelated montage), things are at a blissfully simple level, like…like –
Like a video game! Indeed, the animation style of TMNT resembles nothing so much as a really long, rather well done cut scene. (There is some cut scene experience in this film’s crew.) Consider the whole of Manhattan feels small, like a model set, the Turtles no larger than the action figures we all hopefully had as children, conscientious consumers that we are. But when you use CGI as a cost-cutting tool, that’s the result. This is an inexpensive movie, less costly by far than the cheapo-looking III – this in an era when Pixar movies are amongst the most expensive to produce. The thing does look independent (or at least as independent as all-CGI can), but that frees ‘em up to do as they will with the Turtles.
And while TMNT may rarely cohere as the perfect Turtles movie – most of the Turtles are too forgotten for that to happen – there are moments which must count as the greatest Turtle moments yet. Consider, after a comic slapstick fight between Raph and a tiny monster (one I’m too embarrassed to even explore much), Raph faces off against Leo on a rooftop. At two-thirds through, this is the simmering conflict coming to a head, Raph’s rage against Leo’s intended leadership. And the two actually duke it out, Leo at first fighting simply “Nightwatcher,” then even egged on to duel once he knows it’s his own brother.
Amazing, that in a film filled with toy-ready monsters, and stone Mayan generals of yore, and all sorts of other pandemonium, it’s a scene between the two pre-established characters which works best. It’s in the fine Asian tradition of the fight as the musical number, emotions worked out physically. And the emotions in this fight are to 11, Raph even getting as least once big “Nooooooooooooo!” to the heavens. Of course, with the rain and ninjitsu and neon lighting and so forth, it’s derivative…derivative of The Matrix, mostly, but what action film of the ‘00s can claim different? (The Bourne series.) But TMNT is mostly geared towards a younger audience, not nostalgia hounds (too soon, man!), so it’s somewhat understandable to give ‘em a “My First Matrix Rip-Off.” For Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was just giving us the action films of the ‘80s watered down anyway. It’s nothing new!
Ultimately Leo is captured by the stone generals, taken as a substitute for the 13th monster (which is not that Gremlins-lite monstrosity Raph was just battling, which is apparently seized by the Foot at some later point off screen). And here’s the thing: the stoners don’t want to be made mortal, as Winters does – and tricking him is as simple as not capturing a raging, drooling monster. So Winters’ ceremony shall not commence…which is a “good” thing, right?
Nah! Donny’s one moment of pure technobabble explains how monsters will soon overrun the Earth anyway. For the stone generals have surpassed Winters in villainy, rather sending him retroactively into the ranks of the good guys (as it does the Foot Clan – say what?!). And with that great, ridiculous, cosmic Kikan constellation lightshow going on in Winters’ summer home, it’s up to the Turtles to…uh…to…
Well, they have to stop the stone generals. Who are immortal. But the only way to mortalize ‘em is by delivering the 13th monster (which sounds like a great William Castle title!). But doing that will release monsters. But not doing it will also release monsters, apparently, so…
Okay, here’s the reason for all this confusion, really (beyond doing a generic ‘00s-style fantasy epic for the young uns): The generals and Winters are brothers, and they cannot get along. See, it’s all a parallel to the Turtles’ story, who do like each other (Raph and Leo have made up – it was very heartwarming). Cowabunga, it’s symbolic, dude! Too bad making this point was so danged complicated, rendering the surface plot a metaphysical shambles.
But at any rate the 13th monster is delivered, sacrificed with the rest, and the stone generals are banished to the great non-Dimension X dimension in the sky. And monsters do not suddenly run rampage, but quite the opposite, for now it is “good” to do as Winters originally wanted. Because he is now the good guy. And he’s ascending off to wherever himself, newly a mortal and newly a lightshow (there’s a lot of those).
Oddly, it is Casey Jones who’s most responsible for this victory, meaning in every entry Casey is in, he delivers the final blow to the villain. (Oh, sure, in III it was just Casey’s actor, in a different era, but I’ll allow it.) But the Turtles (and Splinter) still get the biggest action sequence, and that’s what really counts. (It’s like how Gordon saved the day in Batman Begins – exactly like that.)
So the moments in TMNT that work the best are the simplest – the Turtles being Turtles, Leo vs. Raph. It becomes a muddle in the larger story, which struggles to do something fantastical without summoning apparently “taboo” cartoon show elements (Krang, etc.). That paradoxically makes TMNT harder for a newcomer to enjoy than a true “Turtle” outing would be. But 2007 was a tough time to be a Turtle, and credit to TMNT for shedding the more inane elements of its predecessors. For its troubles, TMNT was a moderate success, certainly better off than III at $95 million (and hell, it knocked 300 from # 1), but no place near the Turtles’ former zenith.
Of course, the time wasn’t right for a Turtle reboot (they were about 4 years early, methinks). And the thing is compromised, by the need to work in continuity with its lesser predecessors (II and III), something no one ever asked for. Which leaves TMNT as the Incredible Hulk to III’s Hulk – that is, it is better, but still such a general mediocrity that it seems a letdown. All this when the series needs its Casino Royale, its total fresh break.
CGI was never the real answer, though it makes for an entertaining one-off. No, the future of the Turtles, whether you like it or not, is likely to follow in the successful nostalgia reboot footsteps of Transformers. Disgustingly, that means “Turtles” allying with the dreaded Michael Bay himself, and worse, his Platinum Dunes label, where media properties go to die. All this in spite of Munroe’s stated desire (even hinted at in-film) to do a TMNT sequel with the Shredder returning. (If that was always the case, why didn’t he just go that for TMNT!?) But if live action it must be, so be it. One only hopes whatever comes of the “Turtles” next, it somehow matches our memories of the ‘80s, that it works artistically as well as commercially.
Related posts:
• No. 1 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
• No. 2 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)
• No. 3 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)
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