Remakes have always been with us, but the horror remake trend has only really taken off in the past ten years. Conceivably nearly every classic (and many never-classics) from the ‘70s and ‘80s has recently been redone: The Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes, I Spit On Your Grave, Black Christmas, The Fog, Halloween, My Bloody Valentine, Piranha, Prom Night, The Wicker Man, Dawn of the Dead, When a Stranger Calls, The Crazies, The Omen, Sorority Row…(to wit). To say nothing of those not yet made. (I’m not counting something like House of Wax simply because it steals from the ‘50s.) What caused this influx?! I don’t fully know, but I’d wager it’s a mentality similar to sequel production – A brand name guarantees a built-in audience, however niche, ensuring profits. When trying to make your name in the horror field, it’s easier to sell producers on anything even remotely known (I mean, come on, The House on Sorority Row?!).
The poster child for this trend is Platinum Dunes, whose Texas Chainsaw Massacre redo is the golden standard of modern remakes, profitability-wise. The company has since then specialized in further cinematic grave-robbing like The Amityville Horror and The Hitcher. Their in-house style emphasizes budget and slickness – idealized, horridly, by orange and teal to no end – over the slightest creativity (never a driving force in this remake circus). If studio head Michael Bay represents the fullest devolution of film into market-driven pap, this is him as producer: Financing sure thing properties based on his astounding ability to have already seen popular old movies, against even his own doubtful sense of taste.
In such a climate, it wasn’t a question of if Friday the 13th was going to get remade, but when. The answer: 2009. Given this inevitability – and the further inevitability that Platinum Dunes would do the deed, with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s Marcus Nispel directing – it’s just a question of what remaking Friday the 13th entails. A legitimate remake would be an utterly foolish notion, as modern audiences would be put off by the complete lack of Jason – recall, he didn’t become the villain until Part 2. Indeed, the masses demand a Jason complete with hockey mask – leading us all the way to Part III. Really, Friday the 13th more than most franchises is driven by a sort of idealized movie than any one actual film. We picture teens partying in the woods, possibly counselors, randomly butchered by Mr. Voorhees for our amusement.
In fact, there is a fair argument that 2009’s Friday the 13th is actually a reboot – screenwriters Damian Shannon and Mark Swift (also of Freddy vs. Jason) would surely have it that way. Between their former film, Jason X and Jason Goes to Hell, continuity has taken a cleaver to the face, Jason turned from a simple forest-dwelling psychopath into a zombie-demon-cyborg-something. So their concept is to remake not one entry from the franchise, but a generic amalgamation of everything through The Final Chapter (i.e. Part IV). This cuts to the core. The remake’s focus is on self-conscious retro-exploitation, rejecting the horror-comedy shenanigans which forever struggled to redefine the franchise.
What is curious about this remake (as written by longtime franchise fans) is that it seems designed primarily to appeal to preexisting series fans – people who intimately know the first films’ structures and details. That is, people who’ve blogged about the series. Intentionally rejecting the self-parody of 1996’s Scream (oh, how novel!), Friday the 13th redux only informs the slasher genre if you know it too well, and appreciate formal structural play. So, no, it’s not terribly deep (making it a perfect Friday the 13th), and it at least aims for that same nebulous roller coaster horror-bubblegum feel the sequels were originally founded upon.
In loosely replaying the first four movies, Shannon and Swift opt to split them in twain, and do each in isolation. Mostly. Interestingly, each nominally-related section is exponentially longer than the last, which becomes fatiguing with time. For instance, Part 1 is glanced over in a wretchedly edited attempt at the Casino Royale pre-titles, letting barely two minutes replay the original’s decapitation-filled climax.
Maybe you know this: Jason’s mother, Pamela, eviscerates an entire campground in misdirected vengeance against her son’s supposed drowning. She dies. This time, we see Jason witnessing her murder, even if the same questions remain as in Part 2: What conditions led to Jason’s survival, and why didn’t he then tell his Mama, but rather kill for her later? All this backstory is left under-explored – lessons learned all too well from Freddy vs. Jason – so hopefully you don’t care too much, as you’re just here to see Jason do the machete Macarena.
Now it’s on to arguably the Part 2 parallel, which lasts about 20 minutes. A quintet of teens camps in the woods – filmed in Texas, so insufficiently woodsy, and the degree of isolation always unclear. Because Friday the 13th ushers back to an archaic, outdated form of the slasher, it wholeheartedly keeps the kids the focus, forever unaware of Jason’s presence until nanoseconds before their individual slashings. Compare this to how something like Jason X makes Jason immediately known, and is forced to stupidify its cast even more than usual to compensate.
So for now we have five teens a-campin’ – five teens of unnecessary identity, except for Whitney Miller (Amanda Righetti, of “The O.C.” and “North Shore”), whose last name and ill-defined longing are classic Final Girl characteristics. Five teens a-campin’ – and also looking for a hidden weed patch – um…gotta address this…Is Jason a pothead now?! An agro, agro pothead? Questionable, arguable…motive-wise, he’s mostly just defending his forest turf (and quite demonstrably living off the land in a Unabomber sort of way,). The cannabis sativa plant might have rooted there on its own…or have been planted there by some other dude, whom Jason promptly dispatched.
We know where this is going – Jason kills everybody, with the possible exception of Whitney. More so than usual, it behooves us to examine Jason himself (Derek Mears). First, he wears a bag – ala Part 2, and it’s amazing the controversy this ignited amongst the series ignorant wishing to think themselves informed. Also, he runs – something else familiar from the early days, but bracing once you’ve gotten used to the old stroll ‘n’ slash. Less familiarly, now Jason plots, plans, schemes. He uses a bear trap to immobilize one jerk before eventually finishing the job. This and Jason’s subsequent treatment of Whitney leads some to hypothesize there’s a bit of the Saw-esque torture pornography lurking. Well…yes and no. Jason is still a pragmatist who prefers a quick dispatch over any sort of cruelty, so his deviations are simply ways to best corral his victims for efficient killification.
Among his kills, here and elsewhere, Jason is sticking pretty old school, and sticking (in all senses) with his machete. There are no new ways for that thing to enter a human body now. I rather respect the attempt, to play classical and simple, though the counter argument – that the creativity is gone, and the kills underwhelming – is certainly valid. One doubtless thing: 2009’s Friday the 13th isn’t remotely close to the original’s Tom Savini effects in its impact upon cinematic violence. To know only this movie, you wouldn’t even think that the franchise’s legacy. It’s all pretty subservient to the past, even doing variations on moments like The New Blood’s sleeping bag execution. If you recognize that, this Friday the 13th works as it should; be unable to identify one of the hundreds of former murders, and this is simply a slick, generic slasher.
With that, the movie seems to reset to “6 weeks later” – having already taken place in “the present,” so presumably this bit is permanently in the future – with a new, slightly larger batch of teens entering Crystal Lake. We’re to be in their company for the remainder of the flick, which also means (lamentably) an increased period of directionless partying before the genre hijinks can resume. Rather than split up Parts III and IV, Friday the 13th combines them into one at this point, for as much as those movies are even distinct to begin with. This means we see elements from those movies – the hockey mask is found, replacing Jason’s beloved bag. There is a barn. And the kids have sequestered themselves in a cabin-mansion in a move which has absolutely nothing to do with what we’ve already seen.
The former sequels are notably standalone anyway, but it’s weirder in the context of a single movie. Correcting that issue, Whitney’s brother Clay (Jared Padalecki, trading in “Supernatural’s” Studebaker for a moped) is out searching for her. This parallels that fellow Rob from The Final Chapter, except Clay isn’t ushered in simply to exposit and die. Nope, he’s an actual protagonist, proactive, which is an impressive feat considering how Friday the 13th must remain old school, and preserve his ignorance of Jason for much of the film. Still, Clay is (unintentionally) responding to Jason’s actions, which is something.
Though we still spend beaucoup time at the party cabin, which updates the debauchery of former Fridays for the new millennium. Sex, drinking and smoking are seen in newer guises, invoking beer pong, YouTube and high-tech bongs. They even awkwardly announce all cell phones are dead, because horror movies haven’t found a more elegant way around that problem yet. It’s the same basic nonsense as ever, so I (begrudgingly) return to summarizing the cast:
Trent (Travis Van Winkle, which is frankly a better name for the character): The rich prick who owns the cabin (at least, his old money parents do), and the asshole who will inevitably die last, because we want to see him die first.
Jenna (Danielle Panabaker): Trent’s girlfriend, which is the one distracting detail for someone who is otherwise a prime Final Girl suspect – she even has the good instincts to side with Clay early. Naturally, she’s boring. Her survival, in genre terms, depends upon whether Whitney is still alive. I’ll say it now (SPOILER): The False Final Girl is kind of a novel idea.
Bree (Julianna Guill): The sexpot, who most admirably fulfills the needed tit quotient, even while many other actresses are equally topless. One hilarious thing about Friday the 13th is how uncomfortable producer Michael Bay was with the film’s sexual content, better proof than even Transformers 2 that the man has the maturity of a prepubescent.
Chewie (Aaron Yoo): On paper, the Stoner (named after III’s Chuck and Chili), and the Asian. Though that second one’s pretty new. In practice, Chewie is perhaps the single funniest character in the franchise (unless Freddy from Freddy vs. Jason counts), and all that credit goes to Yoo himself. One senses he’d fit perfectly into a Harold & Kumar movie.
Lawrence (Arien Escarpeta): In contrast, he’s the Black One, and that’s his whole persona. Yup, because we don’t actually care about race any more, Lawrence takes every opportunity possible to point out his blackness to us. I think there was an intended joke someplace in here which got lost.
Also Nolan (Ryan Hansen): The Surfer Dude.
And Chelsea (Willa Ford): His girlfriend.
That out of the way, Jason can go and kill…some random tertiary character, a barn-dwelling, mannequin-raping, drug-dealing redneck (Kyle Davis). It’s in this bric-a-brac barn that Jason randomly uncovers his hockey mask, and dons it on screen. To hear the filmmakers, that act alone makes the moment substantial, though…Well, the mask is iconic. Still, it doesn’t mean anything; never has. It’s weird then that the mask starts getting these long, loving shots towards the end, like the Jewel of the Sea or whatever in Titanic, given Jason’s been wearing it for only one day. This is the issue with remakes – iconography is simply assumed, but never justified within the context of the remake.
Now…that redneck got his for stealing marijuana from the woods – evidence in favor of “Jason the dope fiend.” The only awkward thing is, this redneck was a local. As per Clay’s former run-in with an ersatz female Crazy Ralph, we’re assured the locals are well aware of Jason’s murderous habits, and simply know well enough to give his woods a wide berth. Actually, the nature of Jason’s residence within the wider Crystal Lake community is a serious issue in Friday the 13th, and worthy of exploration…
Okay, so the cops never found any evidence of Whitney and her friends, not even a car – and it’s hard to picture Jason disposing of whole automobiles (or the god damned speed boat he disables later on). Nonetheless, his lair in the abandoned Crystal Lake campgrounds is evidently occupied – obvious enough to pot-addled teens upon immediate observation. Either the region’s cops are tremendously incompetent (which is in keeping with series lore), or they’re actively covering up Jason’s antics. Further evidence suggests this Jason’s overall body count exceeds those we see on screen, partly because they want to suggest a Texas Chainsaw Massacre mythos (Nispel and all). So why no action’s ever been taken against a clearly mortal psychopath, who’s to say?
Not to mention, Trent’s house is well within the greater Crystal Lake environs, and has been occupied by generations of Van Winkles (or whatever the family name is). Oh, and Jason’s been a local presence since 1980, the date given in the opening. So no doubt Trent’s been in town before, while Jason was a grown, lethal threat. And yet, Trent knows nothing of the guy. And neither does he do anything to incur Mr. Voorhees’ wrath, making Jason’s eventual party crashing a little hard to square away, except in genre terms. Besides, there’s no way spending one day butchering a cop, a local, and an entire occupied mansion won’t be uncovered.
Okay, so before Jason invades Trent’s property and commits various more serious crimes, we first see Clay and Jenna sneak onto his property. They rush back to Trent and the gang to warn them (oh so unsuccessfully!), but perhaps Jason was simply tailing them – good one, Clay! Except…a couple of the group have already been knocked off, during a guileless boat trip upon Crystal Lake. What was their offence? If merely being on the lake offends Jason now, why does Trent have a multi-million dollar boat already upon it? Perhaps Jason just one day became too big for his britches, because it’s hard to picture this being is his daily habit.
So Jason goes over to Trent’s house uninvited and, in time, kills everybody except for Clay and Jenna. Trent is the last to go, exactly per formula. And by 2009, they’re still so consciously trying to destroy that outdated “black guy dies first” rule, making “black guy dies midway” the new cliché – which is exactly what befalls Lawrence. Jason’s swath of murder differs from those from the ‘80s in one crucial detail, however, for all of Friday the 13th’s classicism: Most of the kids know Jason lurks well in advance of their deaths. Again, thanks be to Clay that they know. But it seems a structural oddity to push so many characters into the climax, and not an effective one.
Oh, and meanwhile…Whitney lives! Jason has her chained up in his extensive Viet Cong tunnel system (tunnels near a lake? Suuuuure), and here they go Saw a little more. This flavor-of-the-month addition distracts from the chance this is a variation on that old Part 2 moment where the Final Girl impersonates Jason’s mother. Whitney does this too, but unintentionally. It’s claimed she resembled a young Pamela Voorhees (I just have to take the movie’s word for it). Odd that a Final Girl’s survival (and Whitney does survive; the only true question mark is Clay) should hinge upon her genetically-given appearance, more than anything behavioral on her part. To give Friday the 13th the benefit of the doubt, maybe that’s “scarier” in its randomness. Except this movie doesn’t try for “scary,” but “fun,” so this is just another example of the moviemakers discovering areas where the rigid slasher formula doesn’t freely give.
That mostly covers Friday the 13th. The climax is a little underwhelming, because preserving so many victims for so long cuts into the fun Final Girl sequence. Besides, both Clay and Whitney are operating under a gigantic hero immunity clause (Whitney’s is literal – Jason doesn’t dare off her). I appreciate this remake for its attempts to return to the earlier Fridays, which are mostly when the series was in top form (though Jason Lives is, methinks, the best of the lot, it didn’t leave yield decent sequels, somehow). It’s ultimately middling, among Jason’s adventures, mostly because many of the things it does intentionally are miscalculations. Efforts to upend slasher formula do not work, and weaken the otherwise staunch normalcy of this movie. Though it could be my knowledge of all the earlier movies is preventing me from seeing this anew – I pick up on things like Jason’s mother complex because I already know about it. To discover it through this movie, maybe that works, or maybe it’s underplayed. It’s hard for me to say, and frankly I doubt the moviemakers (over-familiar with the series as they too are) can say either.
And while rebooting is often a useful way to restore life to an ailing franchise, remakes are not. Since they rarely escape from their former’s shadow in a way sequels are not beholden to, one doesn’t see remakes sequelized often. Within this particular movement, there are exceptions: The Hills Have Eyes Part II, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Halloween II. Indeed, Friday the 13th was successful enough (behind only Freddy vs. Jason – ah, inflation), and a sequel was contemplated. Shannon and Swift are still anxious to do one, but at present it is not happening. Thank movie studios – as the remake was only possible by a joint agreement between New Line, Platinum Dunes and Paramount, for this series’ inbred history. Too bad too, that moneymen dictate boogeymen, because we were just one way from the fabled thirteenth 13th.
But to tide us all over until then, I give you, to wit…
EVERY MURDER WEAPON USED IN THE SERIES:
Knife, knife, knife, knife, arrow, axe, knife, arrows, machete, ice pick, barbed wire, hammer claw, knife, unknown, machete, spear, spear, knife, unknown, cleaver, knitting needle, pitchfork, pitchfork, spear, machete, knife, electricity, knife, fireplace poker, hands, machete, surgical saw, scalpel, knife, knife, spear, spear, unknown, cleaver, window, knife, hands, axe, harrow, machete, machete, spike, axe, road flare, knife, axe, axe, machete, shears, belt, knife, pole, cleaver, cleaver, knife, machete, knife, knife, knife, bed of spikes, machete, hands, pole, pole, tree branch, machete, machete, machete, machete, bottle, machete, machete, mirror, knife, hands, machete, dart, hands, hands, drowning, spike, spike, hands, sleeping bag, machete, drowning, scythe, hands, noise maker, machete, window, shear, gas-powered branch lopper, axe, spear gun, spear, guitar, sauna rock, mirror shard, spear, knife, hands, spear, electricity, antenna, drowning, axe, syringe, pipe, hands, unknown, explosion, toxic waste, mirror, wrench…
INTERMISSION
Possession, probe, unknown, unknown, unknown, unknown, razor, tent pole, unknown, car door, possession, knife, possession, hands, hands, hands, hands, hands, gun, deep fryer, hands, pole, knife, hands, possession, unknown, chain, pole, pole, pole, liquid nitrogen, space machete, hands, hands, hands, space machete, gigantic screw, space machete, loading winch, non-space machete, explosion, unknown, electricity, explosion, explosion, decompression, sleeping bag, sleeping bag, atmosphere reentry, machete, machete, machete, machete, pole, pole, hands, machete, machete, machete, machete, machete, machete, Freddy’s razor glove, door, electricity, machete, shelf support, machete, machete, machete, campfire, machete, machete, machete, arrow, machete, screwdriver, axe, deer antlers, machete, tow truck winch, machete.
RELATED POSTS
• No. 1 Friday the 13th (1980)
• No. 2 Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
• No. 3 Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
• No. 4 Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
• No. 5 Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
• No. 6 Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
• No. 7 Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
• No. 8 Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
• No. 9 Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
• No. 10 Jason X (2002)
• No. 11 Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
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