Hercules Against Rome (1964) welcomes Alan Steel into the Hercules fold for the first time, his apparent reward (like so many mid-level musclemen) for doing a meagerly halfway adequate job in Samson vs. the Black Pirate. He’s also been Maciste a few times. Oddly, this is but one of two times Steel plays mighty Hercules, the other being the upcoming (eventually) GREAT CROSSOVER.
Hercules Against Rome takes as its “draw” the notion that Hercules has now traveled for the first time ever from ancient Greece to ancient Rome. Wait…all this time I thought he was in Rome. Eh, mythologically these things are a thorough wash, a complete bastardization of a 4,000 year block of history. And once Herc reaches a relatively anachronistic land of Caesars and praetorians and almost certainly more damned lions, it’s just the same peplum nonsense as usual: Overly complex political intrigue, with the usual cast of losers in minor roles.
The same year saw Hercules Against the Sons of the Sun – good thing that wasn’t a “Son of Hercules” episode, or it’s be Son of Hercules Against the Sons of the Sun’s Sons’ Son, or something. Anyway, this one has Mark Forest in it, pretty much the mascot of the Maciste movies, making his…second Hercules appearance. Sort of. Hercules vs. the Hydra was an illegitimate French production, so in a sense this is his only Herc work. Not that it ever makes any difference, as we’ve noted so very much.
Sons of the Sun seems set to serve the same sucky story as several similar such sword-and-sandals scenarios. Political intrigue, a seductress, a princess in trouble, yadda yadda yadda. As with so many of these damned late period pepla, the lone unique element is a change of setting. In this, it’s the Incas. But this barely even counts for an aesthetic change any more, as the same sets and costumes keep getting recycled. This is undoubtedly now a dying genre, making no serious effort to preserve itself.
And now for the main event!
Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon (also 1964, because when you’re dying, at least scattershot out your sequels as prolifically as possible) also pulls the immaterial location switch…to Babylon! It also features a new superstar as Hercules. Man, none of these late Herculeses has any actorly consistency, possibly due to how rapidly they were vomiting them out, and possibly because the series is just that bad.
Anyway, meet Peter Lupus. The kid from The Bad News Bears?! No, idiot, Willy Armitage from TV’s “Mission: Impossible.” How ‘bout that, a rare post-peplum success story! Continuing on, Lupus let his dingle dangle in “Playgirl” for all the world’s perverted women to see. More recently, an aging Lupus (that sounds like a disease) has basically become the real world equivalent of Uncle Jack from “Arrested Development,” lifting 1 million pounds in 20 minutes on his birthday (citation needed). At 78, Lupus is still in better shape than any of us will ever be.
But in the early ‘60s, Lupus was only known for Tyrants of Babylon and Muscle Beach Party, where he is alternately credited as Rock Stevens, “Mr. Galaxy,” Flex Martian, aka “the biggest, strongest, and handsomest bodybuilder in the galaxy, possessing muscles of steel.” That succinctly encapsulates the entire brain-dead mentality behind this cockamamie muscleman craze! But as a performer, Lupus is adequate, surely no thespian in overall terms, but someone with a minimum of screen presence unlike most of his fellow brainless dumbbell jockeys. There’s no specific quality we can point to, except for a lack of badness.
The same can go for Tyrants of Babylon. It suffers as do all the other late pepla from an overly familiar storyline and premise, and surely after watching so many in a short time frame, I am feeling the same fatigue audiences of the ‘60s likely felt. But Pazuzu be praised, Tyrants knows its formula well enough to be decent, with every element good. Directing (Domenico Paolella, dry of thought after Ursus, the Rebel Gladiator and Goliath at the Conquest of Damascus), acting, setting, script, even the budget is beyond the weekly allowance level most other ’64 pepla are saddled with.
And for perhaps the genre’s first time, the complex political intrigue is actually intriguing.
The key is that Tyrants is told with clarity, and a minimum of overt idiocy, a great rarity. First we have Babylon, naturally, and don’t worry, there’s no tiresome conflict over who gets to rule. At least, not as we usually find. Rather, Babylon is governed by three siblings, cruel tyrant Salman Osar (Livio Lorenzon), alluring seductress Taneal (Helga Liné), and the other one. For the time being, they’re pretty cool with each other, as their goal remains the same: Sending soldiers into outlying lands to amass slaves for their great public works projects. Really, it oughta be easier to just hire a contractor!
That’s because Hercules (Lupus, natch) is out there in the wilderness disrupting Babylon’s perfectly legal person stealing. But for once Herc has a reason for nearing today’s contentious kingdom, for one of those slaves already in bondage is his queen (it’s unclear if she’s his wife or ruler, though some henpecked types would argue there’s no difference), Hesperia (Anna Maria Polani). Herc aims to reclaim her, and bring glory back to the Hellenes – that being Hesperia’s kingdom. In the meanwhile, let us stand content as Herc smacks the bejesus out of extras in perfect Teddy Roosevelt style: speaking softly and carrying a big stick.
So far, nothing in Tyrants is blowing my skirt up, gentlemen. Surprisingly, the movie starts to earn its keep by introducing a third party, adding more complexity into its narrative which would already be incompetently presented. Enter the Assyrians, represented by the frankly rather annoying King Phaleg (Mario Petri), who bestows gifts rather too slowly upon the Babylonian overlords. At long last he reveals his intent, that these gifts are to be in exchange for all of Babylon’s slaves, and with them, the two kingdoms forge an alliance.
Queen Taneal aims to discover Phaleg’s game the only way a seductress knows how: through seduction. With all other overused elements, the seductress character is fast losing her charm, so credit to Helga Liné for making her as enticing as possible in these tired genre conditions. She’s no Chelo Alonso, but she ain’t bad.
Utilizing a little Serum of Truthiness (it’s been a while since we’ve had a decent plot juice), Phaleg reveals to Taneal, and without her knowing also to Salman Osar and the other one, what he intends. Among the slaves is Hesperia – Okay, we know this one already. Phaleg intends to dredge her up upon acquiring the slaves, then marry her in order to forge an allegiance with the Hellenes (i.e. Greeks). The Hellenes are mighty and unconquerable, and this allegiance through matrimony becomes the grand prize everyone fights over in place of a more traditional throne. Mired this deep in formula stagnation, that counts for a lot.
Phaleg is dismissed sans slaves. Meanwhile the Babylonian sibling trio (that sounds like a reggae band) considers discovering Hesperia themselves. And now let the complex betrayals and double crosses and whatnots begin! Each brother separately wants to marry Hesperia, while Taneal just wants her dead – we learn later on about her own plans for a single-ruler Babylon, with universal healthcare.
Through some amazing quirk of fate, these various sub-motives are actually easy to follow. I’ve a few theories on that. One I’ll examine now…There is an honest to goodness theme in this Hercules! Betrayal! It’s nothing fancy, like in your art house flicks, but still…
Meanwhile, let us not discount Phaleg yet, and his role to play in this complex tale of counter-intrigues. Going forth, his men randomly enter a skirmish with some Babylonian soldiers – there is no great reason for this except the need for occasional action sequences. Simple Hercules leaps into the fray and rescues Phaleg – he’s learned via an escaped slave subplot already that the Babylonians are the baddies holding his Hesperia.
Now, without revealing it, Phaleg knows Hercules knows who Hesperia is, that he’s the only jerk in all of the Middle East who could know. So he charges Herc with entering Babylon and sniff her out. Of course, Phaleg knows Hercules has his own intents upon Hesperia (you start to sense women’s rights wasn’t a big issue back then), but he arranges for his henchmen to kill Hercules once she’s been identified. Never mind the impossibility of that request, at least we have a betrayal to chalk up to Phaleg now.
Meanwhile, the Babylonians are attempting a more…direct approach to discover Hesperia’s identity. They’ve bound all their slaves up to posts in the sun in just about the laziest crucifixion I’ve ever seen. (They call this a paid holiday – those slave drivers have a sense of humor!) The person who spills Hesperia’s beans is promised freedom, which is usually villain talk for “I shall kill you.” At last Hesperia herself cannot stand it, and shouts out “I am Spartacus!” No, wait…”I am Hesperia!” Yeah. And everyone else claims to be Spartacus, er, Hesperia as well. So that didn’t work.
But by now they know Hercules is coming to town, because a strong, clothesless braggart has a hard time keeping a low profile. Putting the same two and two together as Phaleg, they themselves decide to let Hercules lead ‘em to Hesperia, then kill him – yeah, see how that works out for ya. But for now, this involves casually inviting Hercules to the palace, wining and dining him, and letting Taneal try out the old seduction, which always starts around 5/8ths of the way through the movie. At least this time it makes sense for both characters to be involved in such a cliché. It’s like The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (why am I referencing that here?!); Herc knows something, Taneal knows something, each wants what the other knows. Yeah, this is nothing groundbreaking in the world of screenwriting, but for a peplum this is shattering.
Ah, but meanwhile Hercules must perform a Feat of Strength™. No reason, Salman Osar just wants to see Hercules grease himself up and take on five equally groin-clothed rippling he-men at once. Interpret that how you like, Sigmund. It really turns out the duel is an assassination attempt which – too soon guys! (Hercules survives.)
Hercules briefly enjoys Taneal’s sultry company, but somehow she never thinks of using her truth goo. Shortly later, once the shot clock on this formula element has run out, Hercules jaunts on down to the cells, performs another few Feats of Strength™, and finds Hesperia all on his own, thank you very much. Quickly peeking at the remaining running time, Hercules announces he cannot rescue her just yet, and then he runs off.
The time for complicated back stabbing is now, and I’m not going to stretch myself trying to explicate it all. Let’s just say that once Tyrants is over, everyone who is not explicitly a good guy has tried to kill Hercules, and Hercules has successfully killed every last one of them.
Actually, Hercules is a bit of a genocidal maniac in this. (Well, he is in several of his films; Tyrants just highlights an ongoing problem.) Whilst Herc is puttering around in those standard peplum caverns I’ve now seen like 16 times, waiting for the running time to be right, he spies Taneal talking about this great big old winch to her lackey. See, as a part of Taneal’s grant master plan to wrest control of Babylon away from her brothers, she’s going to destroy Babylon!...This makes very little sense on the surface, so you know it’s a big deal when I continue to call this among the more sensibly plotted of all Herc flicks.
Now, about every Hercules has some doomsday machine towards the end, something Herc can perform a Feat of Strength™ on, then resolve like that [snap]. These rarely make sense. Tyrants’ is a doozy of illogic – most sensible Hercules movie! For the entirety of Babylon is connected together with chains, all joined at a gigantic winch. If 100 slaves (or 1 Hercules) should turn it, all of Babylon with crumble. Why design something like that?! In Taneal’s sudden zest for vacant exposition, she explains ‘twas Daedelus, designer of the Labyrinth, who cleverly made this thing. Suuuuuuure. And the “justification” is since Babylon’s in the desert, this is its “foundation.” I’ve taken some structural engineering courses, and none of this follows.
Oh well. Once Taneal’s out of range, have decided that eventually she’d like that winch turned, Hercules just goes and turns it anyway. This is while, in assorted subplots, Taneal has dragged Hesperia off into the desert herself, and committed double fratricide while she was at it. It made sense at the time. Anyway, it matters not, for Hercules delivers a big destruction set piece for the climax, a scene of Babylon’s fall which still somehow cannot compare to the chintzy efforts of 1914’s Cabiria.
What’s shocking about this is how Hercules in essence murders the tens of thousands of innocent people, just so as to minorly inconvenience Taneal (she’s still alive…for now). Lucky thing his dad, Zeus, pretty much defines morality in this world.
Then Hercules head on over to that place where Taneal and Hesperia and Phaleg all are. There is actually a reasonably epic battle scene going on, involving in turn the armies of Babylon, Assyria, and even the slaves. For a 1964 sword-and-sandals, this thing had a budget!
And, just before Hercules goes and murders him too, Phaleg betrays Hercules. But Hercules betrays Phaleg first (this movie is betrayal happy). Phaleg calls him out on this, but Hercules cites some sort of iffy legal precedent for why his particular betrayal doesn’t count. Man, the Herc is in quite a morally grey area! But since his name is in the title, and might makes right, it is good he survives, along with Hesperia and a handful of spies, with at least one not actually evil empire destroyed. All in a day’s Herc work.
Between things like the evident budget, and a script with at least some effort put into it, Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon is perhaps the last great effort of the Hercules producers. Though they put out enough Hercules films in 1964 for every other month (there were 6 of them), the only real attention seems to have gone here. They might as well have found a different tactic. With the desperation of this release schedule, the bottom was falling out of the peplum market. For as adequate as Tyrants is, it isn’t a scratch on the better Hercules efforts from earlier. It is altogether too beholden to formula, its genre doomed. So take it as the final noble effort of a bygone movement.
But there were other frantic tactics still to be tried…
Next up: Hercules does another goddamn crossover with Maciste. And not just any goddamn crossover. The GREAT goddamn CROSSOVER! And by “GREAT,” I mean four franchises! Samson, we’ve seen, Hercules we’ve now made it through. That leaves the need to visit two more…Maciste first, then an entirely new franchise, Ursus. Bring it on!
RELATED POSTS
• No. 1 Hercules (1958)
• No. 2 Hercules Unchained (1959)
• No. 3 The Revenge of Hercules (1960)
• No. 4 Hercules vs. the Hydra (1960)
• No. 5 Hercules and the Conquest of Atlantis (1961)
• No. 6 Hercules id the Haunted World (1961)
• No. 7 Maciste Against Hercules in the Vale of Woe (1961)
• No. 8 Ulysses vs. Hercules (1962)
• No. 9 The Fury of Hercules (1962)
• No. 10 Hercules, Samson and Ulysses (1963)
• No. 12 Hercules in the Land of Darkness (1964)
• No. 17 Hercules, Samson, Maciste and Ursus (1964)
• No. 18 Hercules and the Princess of Troy (1965)
• No. 19 Hercules the Avenger (1965)
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