Maciste in Genghis Khan’s Hell comes f– What, another one?!
One year after Domenico Paolella directed Mark Forest, Ken Clark, José Greci and Howard Ross in Maciste vs. the Mongols, he does basically the exact same damn thing, one historical generation earlier. These aren’t even the only Maciste/Mongol mash-ups, for witness 1961’s Maciste at the Court of the Great Khan. What, was there really that much demand for Khan-inspired pepla? Certainly not! Rather, Italian filmmaking being what it is, let us simply note that once one Mongolia-related muscleman Maciste movie managed to be made, more would follow. Why, the costumes already exist; it would be wasteful to make but one movie, even if multiples negate whatever value such an exercise has in isolation.
Plus, it lets ‘em recycle old footage I last saw yesterday.
This doesn’t excuse that, even by sword-and-sandals standards, these Mongolian mistakes feature the exact same story. The last three pepla I’ve actually watch are all, coincidentally, by Paolella, and all alike in the specifics: Divided tyrant rulership seeks a hidden female character to attain new empires. And there’s only so much repetition one can take. Sequels are fun when they vary. But this is merely the same thing, only with a few rubbery animals and some genuine Asians on hand to highlight the problems. So I shall mostly sit this one out, content to let my notes (made mid-viewing) stand for the rest of this entry.
MY NOTES:
Narrator on Genghis Khan’s Mongol hordes in 12th century (eh, sorta), invading Poland to the strings of generic Chinese music. Chinese?! Intent – capture Krakow. Extras ride on horses – same footage as Mongols.
Mongol wilderness camp. Warrior Kubilai (Ken Clark) has wound cauterized with a molten brand. About the Mongols’ defeat by mighty Maciste (Mark Forest).
Kubilai enters throne room of the Khan. He’s badmouthed about the losses, charged with better conquering Krakow.
Kubilai in his chamber with an actual Asian handmaiden (unnamed, Elisabetta Wu by process of elimination). Kubilai plans to kill a shackled blind prisoner, with secrets to conquering Poland. Prisoner grows fearful, rambles about a village with a “something” hidden in it. A woman (again?!), the key to victory.
Sheep farm, Armina (José Greci again) tends to them in hiding. She works as a peasant in a hut, talks of Maciste. They to wed. “It is a sin to be poor.” Whuh?! Outside, a witch Arias (Gloria Milland) is heckled by the superstitious asses of Europe. Armina shelters her. Peasants lobby accusations, a Monty Python routine minus intentional humor. The asses are driven back…somehow. The girls discuss character nonsense, dreams. Both retire elsewhere to sleep and where is this headed?! Outside, a Mongol spies on Armina. ARR!
Maciste nears forest, sees himself now somehow (editing) in a pit with a big fake snake. Mongols above loom. Maciste vs. unlikely snake, which does entertain! Kills it with arrow Mongol stupidly shot down. Maciste climbs out, joins a priest [we’ll never see again].
Maciste to Armina’s home, where Arias collapses weeping. Tells that Armina is kidnapped, her father killed – Mongols. Peasants resume their idiot witch thing. A duck!
Ari now bound for a witch pyre, she pleads hopelessly. Pyre lit. Maciste saves her, runs off.
The hut, where Maciste tends to Arias. Also a dirge-like funeral for the father man. Maciste: “It was the Mongols!” A-doi! Arias hides an Armina-related secret, shan’t reveal it. To send Maciste to King Vladimir (Mirko Ellis). Note the weird Christian thing going here, all these Polish wood primitivist curios.
Mongols, Kubilai all have Armina, given to the elder Khan, probably is Howard Ross why not [no, I was incorrect there].
Mongol castle here in Poland. Kubilai, Armina. Bland blah blah about prophecies, Armina a princess – well DUH! Talk about Maciste, etc. I care not. Blind old man explains Armina is the last royal of Poland, ala Anastasia. He her father, he dies, she now queen of Poland.
Same shot of crusaders as in Mongols. Way to reuse the battles, so uninvolving already last time! About defending Krakow.
Christian encampment. Gason (Howard Ross) hears of Armina from Maciste, Arias. Strategy talk. Talk about saving Armina from Mongols, Maciste renounces his claim (?!) on her.
Maciste bids Arias farewell in night forest.
Day, Maciste travels forest on foot, Arias still there somehow. Oh, they to go together.
Through a burning, salted wasteland. Okay, that’s slightly interesting. As always, Maciste’s solution involves uprooting a large tree. After some time, they cross a flaming ditch. Threat = unclear.
A hut with a baby. Oh boy! Characters we do not know tend to it. Maciste arrives now with Arias. Arias rests here, a character scene happens to me. Maciste leaves, sheep walk past.
Mongol throne room, ching-chang music greets Armina bedecked in costume department’s finest.
Maciste in swamp beholds somehow a crocodile about to eat some children. In Poland?! So he fights the thing. Rubbery! Knifes the animal as a midget dressed in pajamas watches (?!) shouting “Kill him!” Turns out Maciste saved carny types, off to amuse/sicken the Mongols.
Throne room, more sub-Manchu Mongoloid moronicness. Here’s the midget! All laugh, as are Italians’ wont. Then a spear-fighting demonstration, martial arts ala Italy. Spinning plates on sticks – Mongolia is not Hong Kong! Maciste “performs” as “Hercules reborn” (U.S. redub). A Feat of Strength™, bends an unbendable girder. Then he bends a different unbendable girder. Variety! “I shot him while the serpent was choking the life out of him” – reverse masturbation! Maciste to rassle the giant Gralgnrerararrrr. A cage match. Purposeless, uninvolving spectacle. I put on the “Star Trek” fight music. Maciste wins. Now acrobats perform, movie really running out the clock in this manner.
Maciste (clothed) now in a cell. Arias is somehow here clad all Asiany. She to show Armina. So they easily escape the dungeon Maciste is somehow suddenly in. Fight acrob- Never mind, over before typing completed. Maciste trapped in another cell, as though that changes things. Arias traitor is. Kubulai wants to kill Maciste, Arias now for some reason against it, he kills her, she the evil seductress – for 15 seconds. And…Kubilia fights a Mongol instead of helpless Maciste – huh?! The logic, she does not follow. Maciste bends bars – of course.
Throne room, Maciste fights several. Finds Armina. Then Kubilai here, proposes marriage. They fight! Ye gods.
Khan rides out to repeated battle footage – more Orientalish music.
Tent. Khan meets the giant Grsbnvfjdkhfsd – they fight. So that’s how Genghis Khan died!
Christians arrive to commit mass murder. Maciste leads this group, still sans clothes, armor. The SAME as Mongols, not even hiding it! Fuuuuck! Armina lashed to the gates of Polandville, Maciste holds it up as battle wages. Unties her, she a woman flees the action sequence…or is re-caught. Maciste chases Kubilai inside, where extras are not. Here comes the cavalry footage.
Dungeons, Maciste moves a house-sized rock for some reason.
Giant Guscdjk&^$#$# admits he killed Khan, wants to avenge himself (?!). So he kills Kubilai just when Maciste was about to anyway. Way to anticlimax!
Battle. Evil leader dead, apparently good side can now win.
Palace. Now Ggggggggg dies, why not. Armina escapes as the Babylonian set (Polish?!) collapses for no reason. Armina crowned Polish queen, commissions a submarine with a screen door.
Narrator explains a different conclusion over ending footage of Mongols. Mongols make the quick trek from Poland to Mongolia. Continuity with Mongols = nil.
There you have it, a movie sometimes literally no different than its predecessor. At least I now have under a week of pepla remaining, so maybe – just maybe – I can get through this.
RELATED POSTS
• The Silent Maciste Franchise (1914 - 1927)
• No. 1 Maciste in the Valley of the Kings (1960)
• No. 2 Maciste vs. the Headhunters (1960)
• No. 3 Maciste in the Land of the Cyclops (1961)
• No. 6 Maciste, the Strongest Man in the World (1961)
• No. 7 Maciste Against Hercules in the Vale of Woe (1961)
• Nos. 8 - 20 (1962 - 1964)
• No. 21 Maciste vs. the Mongols (1963)
• No. 23 Maciste and the Queen of Samar (1964)
• No. 24 Hercules, Samson, Maciste and Ursus (1964)
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